Welcome to Hidden Angel Records and Hidden Angel Publishing!

Everything Is My Fault, a new book by Juliet Wright

Everything Is My FaultJuliet has just recently released her first book, Everything Is My Fault.

You can order the book online in paperback or e-reader form through the Hidden Angel’s Online Store , or you can purchase it through Amazon.com

You can also purchase the paperback version at:

East West Bookstore, 324 Castro St., Mountain View, CA 94041, 650-988-9800, www.eastwest.com

Bennington Bookshop, 467 Main St., Bennington, VT 05201. 802/442-5059.

A long, dark journey into light

 

Also available is her latest compact disc, Fearless Moral Inventory which you can also purchace through our online store or via CD Baby or through bandcamp, or through Amazon.

Header Photo by Alice Garik: www.alicegarik.com

Photo by http://raikohartman.com/

“These past five years have been a time of grieving, acceptance, growth and renewal for me. I rely heavily on God, who is my reason for living. Contained in this compact disc are my very personal stories, experiences, wishes and dreams that I have put into song in an effort to heal. I hope they inspire you to create some of your own as part of your recovery.”

Order the CDs Fearless Moral InventoryBeloved and the paperback version of Everything Is My Fault for just $35!

Meet Author/Songwriter/Musician –  Juliet Wright

Juliet is a singer, songwriter, recording artist, author, and teacher who was born and raised in Central Vermont.

She spent much of her young life as an equestrian and was always active in music and theatre. She attended Interlochen Arts Academy from 1979-1982, where she studied piano, music composition, theatre, and dance. She graduated from the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida, in 1986 with a degree in Studio Music and Jazz Guitar Performance.

After leaving Miami, Juliet moved to Burlington, Vermont, to pursue her career as a jazz guitarist. She moved to Los Angeles in 1987, where she pursued her career as a guitarist and performer of pop and rock music. For the next 13 years, she made her living singing, and playing the guitar, piano, and saxophone in clubs and at private functions all over California.

She married Alex in 1996 and the two divorced in 2004.

In 1997, she began teaching general vocal music for the Los Angeles Unified School District.

She moved back to Vermont, in 2007, where she currently lives. She writes books and composes and records her own music. She also teaches stringed instruments to elementary school students in a nearby Massachusetts school district.

Her hobbies include writing and recording music, oil painting, knitting, and nurturing all the baby trees she has planted on her property. She is a devout Quaker and is active in her Quaker meeting. Codependency recovery is very important to Juliet, and she donates much of her time giving back to CoDA.

News

Integrity

Integrity

The view at the top of the ladder

Shows a soul searching for what she can keep

~ Beloved, from Beloved,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2005, all rights reserved

Integrity is the spiritual principle that plants its feet firmly in truth. It is a foundational adherence to honesty and uprightness. I must have integrity if I am to live a Godly life. Integrity is one of the Quaker testimonies and is the structure on which a faithful Christian life is based. I must be honest and fair, focusing on the truth in all situations.

To me, integrity means that I live my life by an ethical and moral standard that is based on honesty and truth.

 

Integrity is the spiritual principle that is at the core of Step 5:

 

  1. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.[1]

           

If I have integrity, it means I care about what the truth is and that I tell the truth. It means that I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. What I do and how I conduct myself is real and upright, not self-serving and deceitful. I conduct myself in a reliable, honorable way in all matters.

 

Now there lies a problem. Being a compliant codependent, I sometimes say yes when I mean no. During those times, I lack integrity. Last year, I went to a Quaker Yearly Meeting. It was my first time at this event. Well, as soon as I got there, I quickly overbooked myself as usual. First of all I signed up for the choir ahead of time. I love singing and enjoyed it, but I did not realize what a huge daily commitment it was. It was very time consuming. I also signed up to volunteer at the on-site Quaker Yearly Meeting Bookstore for three afternoons in a row. That was fine with me. No problem. But on my last day, I stayed one hour longer than I wanted to because the manager wanted to go to another meeting. I said yes when I meant no. That didn’t serve me because I got resentful. I lacked integrity. I won’t do that again.

 

I have to have integrity in terms of admitting how I feel about over-responsibility and caretaking. Sometimes I need to be by myself and take care of myself. I don’t like it when the phone rings late at night. I don’t like it when people I love are hurting. I don’t like it when they have crises late at night and call me, especially when I have to teach in the morning. This sounds really selfish, but it’s true. It’s just too hard for my little codependent brain and heart to handle. I get too upset. My heart hurts and I feel like I have to fix it. The hamster gets on the wheel and away we go with obsession. It’s too much. My heart is racing just thinking about it. That’s the truth.

 

Even the little things matter. Take my taxes, for example. I know I have to be honest and forthcoming about what I spend my money on. In the past, I have purchased classical music partly for enjoyment and partly so I can listen to it and become a better teacher and musician. One might say I could write it off as sheet music on my taxes. It is for my job after all. As much as I would like to do that, I cannot. It just isn’t right. Too bad. I bought a lot of classical CDs.

 

I used to get tax advice from other people who would tell me not to worry about it.

 

“Just write a figure in there and that’s what it is,” they would say to me. “Don’t worry about it.” I followed their advice when I was younger, but I can’t do that now. It’s not right.

 

I also need to have integrity in terms of the private strings lessons I give to some of my students. They often pay in cash. I know I don’t have to declare it because how would they know? But I know. Truth is truth. I made that money and I can’t cheat the government. So even though it’s cash, I’m declaring it honestly.

 

I have integrity. I have to admit that with Cain (a relationship that I looked at in the first book), I told him I would have sex with him even though I meant to say no. I can’t just completely blame him for being a bad person. I should have said no to begin with. So that is what I learned. I have to say what I mean and mean what I say.

 

I can’t just say that Brad was a completely bad person, because I should have walked out the door — although he was manipulative. I knew in my soul that what we were doing and where we were headed was not right for me. That was the truth. I should have followed God’s truth from the beginning of that relationship and saved myself a lot of heartache. I learned from that too.

How can I have more integrity in my life?

By not answering the phone, when I don’t want to talk. Let the machine get it when it’s appropriate for me.

I can have more integrity in my teaching life by admitting when I’ve crossed the line from responsible teacher to control freak who wants to be right, respected and admired by her students. On the one hand, my job requires that I fulfill the task of teaching my students to become honest, upright, responsible citizens. This means teaching them to remember to come to lessons with their instrument and their music and to be on time.

This can be a very difficult job. I have students who are always late, never have their book, never practice and don’t seem to care. They think the rules don’t apply to them. They play with long fingernails week after week, when I’ve asked them to clip them. Sometimes if they don’t have their music, they blame me, saying I didn’t give it to them. I know what is right. I know what is true. What they are saying isn’t true. I need to teach them to be honest and do what is right.

On the other hand, there is a limit to what I can make my students do. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. I can’t force the students to be on time, to remember or keep track of their book, or to bring their instrument. I can only keep giving them the information they need to succeed.

When I repeat myself over and over again to my students about these matters and they still do not follow directions, it is easy to become frustrated. So then I think to myself “why bother? Why keep telling them what to do when they won’t listen? It is wasted energy. Why don’t I just give up the ghost and if they don’t have their stuff or do their work, who cares?”

The answer is because I have integrity. I have to focus on doing what is right, honest, and true. That means getting in the classroom and teaching those kids to the best of my ability, no matter what the circumstances are – because that is my job. Every student must get the best service I have. This means making sure that they know what to do, when to do it, where to be and when to be there. This means repeating it as often as I need to. It means adjusting my teaching methods as necessary to service different students so that they will be successful in my classroom.

Adhering to what is right and true in the classroom also means knowing when I’ve crossed the line by taking my job home with me and fretting all weekend about how some kid got the better of me. Then the correct thing for me to do is let it go. I need to let it all go and take care of myself. Because to not do this is to give my over-responsibility free reign. I will fret and stew and think “how can I get this kid do what they need to do? I have to fix them, to get them to do the right thing.”

I give the children the information they need repeatedly. At some point they need to take the ball and run with it. So at the end of the day I need to go do something that makes me happy, like sit by the fire and listen to it crackle, go stare at the stars in wonder or sit in my rocking chair on the porch and just breathe in and out. That is the magic answer for me to during those times.

I want to teach the children to have integrity too and accomplishing that can be a difficult job as I am not their only influence. I think it is very important for children to understand and adhere to the moral standards of truth, right and wrong.

I want to have integrity. Pointing fingers at myself, I know I have to get in the car and get to work at all costs, to follow my sponsor’s instructions. It was right for me to go to work even though it was dangerous for me to be on the wintry road and I was grumpy at the administration for putting our lives at risk. At least we got another day under our belt.

If I have integrity, I am going to keep admitting when I am wrong. But I also have to admit that I’m right once in a while. I do my best to do what is right. If someone asks me how much money they owe me, I will give them the true amount. If someone asks me why I left a recent music concert early, I will say it is because I found the performer’s lyrics offensive. That is my truth.

If I have integrity, I tell the truth even when it is easier to lie. That means that when I am listening to someone and their circumstances are starting to make me sad to my core, I must either tell them, change the subject, or end the conversation. Over-responsibility and caretaking are not a healthy choice. Going into despair and not being able to function are not a good choice for me. I must build in a new behavior of taking care of myself.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10.

 

Positive Affirmations:

  • I listen to the Christ within that loves, guides and strengthens me.
  • All good in me comes from God.

When I have integrity and something is done right, it is God doing it – which I think is true.

In sharing my thoughts about integrity it is easy to see how it is the principle behind step 5, as I have shared “the exact nature of my wrongs.”[2]

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of integrity:

 

  • More journaling: I journal as much as I need to in order to get the issues out of me.
  • Worship: Through prayer and meditation I ask God what the right thing is for me to do. He helps me see it clearly.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and see things more clearly.
  • Documentation: I record my thoughts and revelations about my integrity into a tape recorder and notate them later.
  • Ask the Observer: When I’m with others and I hear something I’m not sure about, I stop and take a time-out. I get into the Observer position and ask myself “Is this true for me? Do I agree with this?” I make a choice and speak my truth when the time is right.
  • Turn it Over: I give it to God, ask him to take over, and let it go as much as possible. To do this, I say, “Dear Lord, let my words be your words, my thoughts be your thoughts, and my actions be your actions.” I do this as often as I need to.
  • Breathe: I breathe in and out. I relax.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day and helps me to hear and see the truth about myself. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.
  • Pat Myself on the Back: I realize that I’m doing the best I can to do what’s right and give myself credit for that.

 

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

[2] Ibid. pg. iv

Soul Searching

Soul Searching

No more plastic world

No more cement walls

No more fake breasts

Eyelashes or makeup

 

Only purity

Leaves crunching under my feet

Rocks

Dirt

Twigs

Spirit is here

God is here

He loves me

Thank heavens

No more pretending to feel okay

 

No more lies

About how I feel

Just me my kid and God

Just me my kid and God

No more plastic world

Dear God I give you my life

 

~ No More Plastic World, by Juliet A. Wright,

copyright 2013, all rights reserved

 

Now I’ll confront my fears head on

Speak my truth, sing my song,

And if you choose to walk away,

After you’ve heard what I have to say, at least I believed in me.

~ All These Fears, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2011, all rights reserved

 

The spiritual principle of soul searching lies underneath Step 4, which is about doing a fearless moral inventory. As I stated in my first book, when I take a fearless moral inventory “I am taking a sincere look at my positive and negative behaviors and belief systems (also defined as ‘defects of character’) as they have manifested themselves in my life.”

 

Wright, Juliet. Everything Is My Fault (Pownal, VT: Hidden Angel Publishing, 2012), p. 19.

 

My first book is my fearless moral inventory. This book is Part Two, and it is mostly about Soul Searching.

 

To me, soul searching means that I look deep within my true, spiritual self, to see the reality of what is there so that I can deal with it, fix it, enhance it or change it as is necessary to please God.

 

Soul searching is the spiritual principle behind Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 4:

 

  1. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.[1]

 

I have done many inventories. Every time I do a fearless moral inventory, I search my soul. I look under every rock, every piece of dirty carpet, under the moths in the window sill, under the front seat of the car and dig out all of the dirt. As painful as this process is, I look at the dirt for what it is, and I examine it. I am fearless. I know I have to deal with what is. I must face the truth.

In searching my soul, I look for the positive things too. I must always remember to do this. Inventories are not just about negative things. I tend to always dwell on the negative things about myself. I must acknowledge the good as well as the “needs improvement.”

When I do my soul searching, I look deep within myself to see what makes me tick. What do I believe in? What do I not believe in? What do I think? How do I feel? It’s taken me ten years just to figure this out and I’m still cracking the code that is me. I am just now learning what I think about things and how I feel at any given moment. I didn’t know anything about any of that until I started going through this program at 41 years old.

In searching my soul, I discover a Christian Quaker who has put God first in her life. I see someone who struggles with passivity, vanity, rage, selfishness, complaining, compulsiveness, and especially over-responsibility and caretaking. I see someone who wants to do what God wants her to do, but she also wants what she wants too. I will get over it, with God’s help.

Soul Searching is a precursor to acceptance. We must find the problem before we can accept it.

In searching my soul, I see a Juliet who must learn to set boundaries on what is and isn’t hers to fix. The 18 months that elapsed between my brother-in-law’s illness and death were too difficult and full of despair with me trying to cure cancer, fix my family, and still live my life. Of course, Pastor Jeremiah says in his What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do bible study that trials come along to make us stronger people. Satan brings them around to torture us, but God uses them to make us stronger. He is making us into the people he wants us to be.

Jeremiah, David. What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do (San Diego, CA: Turning Point for God, Inc., 2009, 2014), Audio CD 1.

In searching my soul, I see a Juliet who is starting to rely more and more on playing her violin. I need to play my violin to heal myself, to be disciplined, to be sane. I need to play my Wohlfahrt Etudes every day. I need to listen to and play Bach’s Partitas on a regular basis. I need this in my life. And you know what? My hard work is paying off. I’m getting better at it. This is me taking care of myself. It is me taking responsibility for the only person I can change and fix: me. And actually I can’t even do that. Only God can do that. I can be willing.

Soul searching is the opposite of spitting out some standard answer that sounds good just to get it over with, so I can go eat chocolate until my pain goes away. (I like to eat chocolate when I’m stressed, by the way. It does help, if only for a moment. Dark chocolate only, please.)

Soul searching is digging down deep for the truth until I find it, without fear. This means digging out all of the rocks of my denial, avoidance, and procrastination, throwing them aside, and continuing with my pick axe and shovel until I reach the truth of what is there and how I feel.

I think soul searching is an ongoing process, requiring much repetition and refinement, as silver (refined seven times). This means many inventories. How many? As many as is required to continue to peel off the layers of the onion that are hindering the true flavor of who I am and who God wants me to be. This is especially true of my over-responsibility and caretaking. Overcoming those defects is taking me a long time. I still want to fix everything for everyone I love. I still let thoughts of this take over my mind and soul in an unhealthy way. Little by little, however, I am getting better. The steps are tiny, but I am walking the path. It doesn’t matter if I have to redirect my thoughts from my family of origin or the sad demise of my friendship with Doris back to God every five seconds. As long as I do it, I am working my program, working on recovery.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • You are doing God’s work
  • Observe, don’t react. The Observer is who you really are.
  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Treat it like the front page of the paper.

 

Positive Affirmation:

  • I can look at the truth about myself and love myself anyway.
  • I can make mistakes everyday.
  • I am lovable.
  • I recognize good things about myself.
  • I love myself for who I am.

I am continuing to seek God and have Him shine the light on those dark parts of my cave where all the bugs and millipedes and creepy crawly things, bats, and icky muck live so I can get rid of them. I will keep doing this until I am the person God intended me to be. I’m doing the best I can.

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of soul searching:

 

  • More journaling: I journal as much as I need to in order to get the issues out of me.
  • Documentation: I record my thoughts and revelations about my soul searching into a tape recorder and notate them later.
  • Worship: Through prayer and meditation I search my soul for what is there before God. He helps me see it clearly.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and sort out how I’m feeling about things.
  • Readiness: I pray for the willingness and courage to be very honest and get the truth out of me.
  • Other Inventory Formats: I research other inventory formats that might help me work on my defects of character and make choices about working on them. This gives me yet another lense through which to view myself.
  • Attend Meetings: through sharing and listening at CoDA meetings God speaks to me and reveals more of the truth about myself.
  • Program Literature: I read the Codependents Anonymous Basic Text, the Codependents Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Workbook (often called the 12 and 12) and other literature. God speaks to me in this way too.
  • Forgiveness: I forgive myself. This gives me the freedom to be really honest in my soul searching without fear of blame and shame. I realize that I’m doing the best I can and give myself credit for that.
  • Release: I release my resentment. Resentment is a block to my healing.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day and helps me to hear and see the truth about myself. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

Surrender

Surrender

 

It’s not our show

It’s his to run,

We can only come home

Like the prodigal son

Do our best to give up control

Bide our time, walk in faith

 

~ Something to Believe In, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved

 

 

I have to be able to surrender in order to live life in this world. It is just absolutely necessary. Otherwise I’ll drive myself completely crazy.

 

Surrender is one of the most basic and vital spiritual principles in the recovery program. It has become an essential spiritual practice for me. I surrender many things to God daily. I begin my day by getting on my knees and giving my day to God.
To me, surrender means that I give up control of something. In this case, I am giving up control of my life to God.

 

The principle of surrender is the river bed in which the water of Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 3 flows:

 

  1. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.[1]

 

 

I have faith, confidence, and trust in Christ and in God’s divine plan for me. Why then do I not have confidence in my ability to follow him? Because I don’t surrender enough. It is insufficient for me to just get on my knees once in the morning and think, “Okay, now I’m set.” I am much too human and flawed for that. I have to practice surrendering every moment of every day.

 

Sometimes I am a poor example of a child of God. For example, I rage, I lose my temper. My commute is annoying. My inability to get my carcass out of the gym on time to have a relaxed drive to work, if that is possible, is hopeless and totally rage-producing. So I will pray for the willingness to be willing to have confidence in myself and to give up control, get up every morning, and try again. Give up control. Surrender.

 

The phone brings out the dark side of me also. I get mad when it rings. Ridiculous, I know. I feel responsible for whomever is on the other end of the line. I have to fix them, take care of them. After all, they are probably calling me for help right?

 

At the same time, I can’t control when the phone rings. I probably can’t control whatever the person is calling about or asking me to do either. I need to surrender the phone to God. This is a circumstance beyond my control. I will address the phone in more detail in a later chapter.

 

When I surrender, I give up control of my life to God. I mean I never really had control of it anyway, but I come to terms with this in my mind. God’s in charge. I can’t control whatever it is.

 

I surrender to God my over-responsibility and caretaking. I don’t have to fix or control it. I can let go. I can give it to God. I can’t fix it and I don’t have to fix it. I let go and let God.

 

Surrender takes the pressure off me. Let go, Juliet.

 

I had to surrender a lot during my brother-in-law’s illness (and eventual death). Many days I was sad about his illness to the point that I could barely function. I was desperately worried about my sister in all of this. I felt responsible for her and wanted to fix everything for her. I didn’t want either of them to hurt. I wanted them to get their “happily ever after.” This was codependency because it was bordering on my not being able to take care of myself. I was just about at a standstill with despair. I couldn’t fix it, nor was it my responsibility. Where were my boundaries? I needed to surrender all of this to God and I did, repeatedly. It was difficult. It hurt. I hurt for them. Still, I kept surrendering.

 

Yes, I have had to surrender my over-responsibility and caretaking to God. He is the only one who can take it away from my tortured soul.

 

I have to surrender my job to God too. I do this on a daily basis. Lately I have been too worried about what other people think of me. I have to give up my control of who takes my class, who has decided to quit who likes me, who doesn’t and whose parents are dissatisfied.

 

The good news is that I can lay down my arms to God. I don’t have to figure it out. Any of it. Even cancer. Juliet did not have to and could not cure cancer by the end of whatever day or days she was in a state of hopelessness. I don’t have to plan my life all out perfectly. All I have to do is my best, do what is in front of me, and trust that this was God’s will for me for that day. God can figure it out for me. He can pave the way for me and show me what he wants me to do. Whatever I did not get done today, he didn’t want me to get done. Whatever I got done, it is enough.

A Living Sacrifice

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

                  ~ Romans 12:1

I need to present my life to God as a living sacrifice. That means keeping my emotions out of things, like the CoDA Basic Text says:

In seeking God’s will for us for specific situations, we may be led to let go         emotionally and do nothingneither taking nor making changes in our      path circumstances.[2]

 

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospels will save it.”

~ Mark 8:34-35
This last bible verse was on my desk calendar a couple of days ago and this idea came to me:

God is in charge. I can surrender my life to him. Give my life over. Give up on controlling everything.

This is what surrender means to me. Whenever I was on the edge of despair over my brother-in-law’s illness , I got on my knees and surrendered. I gave it back to God. I Turned it over. Whenever I am in anguish over the demise of my long time friendship with Doris, I can give it over to God. He can do for me what I cannot do for myself.

The good news is that I don’t have to figure it out. I can abandon my need to control everything and be in charge. I can yield to the temptation to think I’m all that and I am in charge. I’m not in charge. I am just dust.

Surrender means to me that I will do today one step at a time and give every step to God. I will try my best to do what he wants me to do. I will put God first today. I will surrender. I will say this every morning. Just for today. Every day.

 

 

One step at a time. Live in gratitude.

 

Surrendering is becoming as natural as breathing for me. Today, that is. Right now. With every breath I am letting go and letting God.

 

It means surrendering my worries about Alice. Let go, Juliet. Detach. Surrender them to God. He will take care of her.

 

It means surrendering my responsibility to others. Here’s all these people God, please take over.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10.

 

Positive Affirmation:

  • I listen to the Christ within that loves, guides and strengthens me.

 

I was listening to Reverend Steve Mays on my way to work one day. He said that sometimes God removes people from our lives because we put too much emphasis on them. God wants the emphasis to be on him. This might be God’s work in my life right now. He wants me to put him first, do my job and most of all, do this book. That is my work on this planet right now. That is the job he has for me to do. I will do my best to do it.

 

Surrender means putting God in the driver’s seat. He’s the one who should be there. Not me. I mean He is there already and my control and spot in the driver’s seat is just an illusion. I just have to acknowledge that and get my stupid human ego out of the way. I will follow. I will listen. Thank you, God.

 

Surrender, Juliet. Let go. Just let go.

 

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of surrender:

 

  • Submission: I get on my knees and say, “I surrender, dear Lord; I surrender. I give you my life. It is about what you want, not about what I want.”
  • More journaling: I journal to get the issues out of me.
  • Scripture: I read my bible, especially verses that involve pouring out my soul to God and trusting him with my life.
  • Worship: I worship through prayer and meditation. I talk to him through prayer and listen in meditation. Worship is complete surrender to God.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and see things more clearly.
  • God is in Charge: I remember that God is sovereign and he has a plan for me. All I have to do pray, listen, obey and let go.
  • The God Within: I realize that there is part of God inside me and I can trust that.
  • Breathe!: I breathe in and out.
  • Let it Go: I let it go.
  • Get Rid of Negativity: I burn my journal notes, if necessary, to get rid of that negativity.
  • Relief: I feel better!
  • Gratitude: I give thanks to my generous, forgiving, wonderful God. He is so good to me.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

[2] Ibid., p. 73

New Album – Fearless Moral Inventory:

This album is a very personal journey of a singer/songwriter/Christian/Quaker. This is my journal in song form. It is a recovery/self help Cd. It will help anyone who is in recovery from codependence or other twelve step programs.

Buy the CD from our online store!

Welcome to Hidden Angel Records and Hidden Angel Publishing!

Everything Is My Fault, a new book by Juliet Wright

Everything Is My FaultJuliet has just recently released her first book, Everything Is My Fault.

You can order the book online in paperback or e-reader form through the Hidden Angel’s Online Store , or you can purchase it through Amazon.com

You can also purchase the paperback version at:

East West Bookstore, 324 Castro St., Mountain View, CA 94041, 650-988-9800, www.eastwest.com

Bennington Bookshop, 467 Main St., Bennington, VT 05201. 802/442-5059.

A long, dark journey into light

 

Also available is her latest compact disc, Fearless Moral Inventory which you can also purchace through our online store or via CD Baby or through bandcamp, or through Amazon.

Header Photo by Alice Garik: www.alicegarik.com

Photo by http://raikohartman.com/

“These past five years have been a time of grieving, acceptance, growth and renewal for me. I rely heavily on God, who is my reason for living. Contained in this compact disc are my very personal stories, experiences, wishes and dreams that I have put into song in an effort to heal. I hope they inspire you to create some of your own as part of your recovery.”

Order the CDs Fearless Moral InventoryBeloved and the paperback version of Everything Is My Fault for just $35!

Meet Author/Songwriter/Musician –  Juliet Wright

Juliet is a singer, songwriter, recording artist, author, and teacher who was born and raised in Central Vermont.

She spent much of her young life as an equestrian and was always active in music and theatre. She attended Interlochen Arts Academy from 1979-1982, where she studied piano, music composition, theatre, and dance. She graduated from the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida, in 1986 with a degree in Studio Music and Jazz Guitar Performance.

After leaving Miami, Juliet moved to Burlington, Vermont, to pursue her career as a jazz guitarist. She moved to Los Angeles in 1987, where she pursued her career as a guitarist and performer of pop and rock music. For the next 13 years, she made her living singing, and playing the guitar, piano, and saxophone in clubs and at private functions all over California.

She married Alex in 1996 and the two divorced in 2004.

In 1997, she began teaching general vocal music for the Los Angeles Unified School District.

She moved back to Vermont, in 2007, where she currently lives. She writes books and composes and records her own music. She also teaches stringed instruments to elementary school students in a nearby Massachusetts school district.

Her hobbies include writing and recording music, oil painting, knitting, and nurturing all the baby trees she has planted on her property. She is a devout Quaker and is active in her Quaker meeting. Codependency recovery is very important to Juliet, and she donates much of her time giving back to CoDA.

News

Integrity

Integrity

The view at the top of the ladder

Shows a soul searching for what she can keep

~ Beloved, from Beloved,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2005, all rights reserved

Integrity is the spiritual principle that plants its feet firmly in truth. It is a foundational adherence to honesty and uprightness. I must have integrity if I am to live a Godly life. Integrity is one of the Quaker testimonies and is the structure on which a faithful Christian life is based. I must be honest and fair, focusing on the truth in all situations.

To me, integrity means that I live my life by an ethical and moral standard that is based on honesty and truth.

 

Integrity is the spiritual principle that is at the core of Step 5:

 

  1. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.[1]

           

If I have integrity, it means I care about what the truth is and that I tell the truth. It means that I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. What I do and how I conduct myself is real and upright, not self-serving and deceitful. I conduct myself in a reliable, honorable way in all matters.

 

Now there lies a problem. Being a compliant codependent, I sometimes say yes when I mean no. During those times, I lack integrity. Last year, I went to a Quaker Yearly Meeting. It was my first time at this event. Well, as soon as I got there, I quickly overbooked myself as usual. First of all I signed up for the choir ahead of time. I love singing and enjoyed it, but I did not realize what a huge daily commitment it was. It was very time consuming. I also signed up to volunteer at the on-site Quaker Yearly Meeting Bookstore for three afternoons in a row. That was fine with me. No problem. But on my last day, I stayed one hour longer than I wanted to because the manager wanted to go to another meeting. I said yes when I meant no. That didn’t serve me because I got resentful. I lacked integrity. I won’t do that again.

 

I have to have integrity in terms of admitting how I feel about over-responsibility and caretaking. Sometimes I need to be by myself and take care of myself. I don’t like it when the phone rings late at night. I don’t like it when people I love are hurting. I don’t like it when they have crises late at night and call me, especially when I have to teach in the morning. This sounds really selfish, but it’s true. It’s just too hard for my little codependent brain and heart to handle. I get too upset. My heart hurts and I feel like I have to fix it. The hamster gets on the wheel and away we go with obsession. It’s too much. My heart is racing just thinking about it. That’s the truth.

 

Even the little things matter. Take my taxes, for example. I know I have to be honest and forthcoming about what I spend my money on. In the past, I have purchased classical music partly for enjoyment and partly so I can listen to it and become a better teacher and musician. One might say I could write it off as sheet music on my taxes. It is for my job after all. As much as I would like to do that, I cannot. It just isn’t right. Too bad. I bought a lot of classical CDs.

 

I used to get tax advice from other people who would tell me not to worry about it.

 

“Just write a figure in there and that’s what it is,” they would say to me. “Don’t worry about it.” I followed their advice when I was younger, but I can’t do that now. It’s not right.

 

I also need to have integrity in terms of the private strings lessons I give to some of my students. They often pay in cash. I know I don’t have to declare it because how would they know? But I know. Truth is truth. I made that money and I can’t cheat the government. So even though it’s cash, I’m declaring it honestly.

 

I have integrity. I have to admit that with Cain (a relationship that I looked at in the first book), I told him I would have sex with him even though I meant to say no. I can’t just completely blame him for being a bad person. I should have said no to begin with. So that is what I learned. I have to say what I mean and mean what I say.

 

I can’t just say that Brad was a completely bad person, because I should have walked out the door — although he was manipulative. I knew in my soul that what we were doing and where we were headed was not right for me. That was the truth. I should have followed God’s truth from the beginning of that relationship and saved myself a lot of heartache. I learned from that too.

How can I have more integrity in my life?

By not answering the phone, when I don’t want to talk. Let the machine get it when it’s appropriate for me.

I can have more integrity in my teaching life by admitting when I’ve crossed the line from responsible teacher to control freak who wants to be right, respected and admired by her students. On the one hand, my job requires that I fulfill the task of teaching my students to become honest, upright, responsible citizens. This means teaching them to remember to come to lessons with their instrument and their music and to be on time.

This can be a very difficult job. I have students who are always late, never have their book, never practice and don’t seem to care. They think the rules don’t apply to them. They play with long fingernails week after week, when I’ve asked them to clip them. Sometimes if they don’t have their music, they blame me, saying I didn’t give it to them. I know what is right. I know what is true. What they are saying isn’t true. I need to teach them to be honest and do what is right.

On the other hand, there is a limit to what I can make my students do. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. I can’t force the students to be on time, to remember or keep track of their book, or to bring their instrument. I can only keep giving them the information they need to succeed.

When I repeat myself over and over again to my students about these matters and they still do not follow directions, it is easy to become frustrated. So then I think to myself “why bother? Why keep telling them what to do when they won’t listen? It is wasted energy. Why don’t I just give up the ghost and if they don’t have their stuff or do their work, who cares?”

The answer is because I have integrity. I have to focus on doing what is right, honest, and true. That means getting in the classroom and teaching those kids to the best of my ability, no matter what the circumstances are – because that is my job. Every student must get the best service I have. This means making sure that they know what to do, when to do it, where to be and when to be there. This means repeating it as often as I need to. It means adjusting my teaching methods as necessary to service different students so that they will be successful in my classroom.

Adhering to what is right and true in the classroom also means knowing when I’ve crossed the line by taking my job home with me and fretting all weekend about how some kid got the better of me. Then the correct thing for me to do is let it go. I need to let it all go and take care of myself. Because to not do this is to give my over-responsibility free reign. I will fret and stew and think “how can I get this kid do what they need to do? I have to fix them, to get them to do the right thing.”

I give the children the information they need repeatedly. At some point they need to take the ball and run with it. So at the end of the day I need to go do something that makes me happy, like sit by the fire and listen to it crackle, go stare at the stars in wonder or sit in my rocking chair on the porch and just breathe in and out. That is the magic answer for me to during those times.

I want to teach the children to have integrity too and accomplishing that can be a difficult job as I am not their only influence. I think it is very important for children to understand and adhere to the moral standards of truth, right and wrong.

I want to have integrity. Pointing fingers at myself, I know I have to get in the car and get to work at all costs, to follow my sponsor’s instructions. It was right for me to go to work even though it was dangerous for me to be on the wintry road and I was grumpy at the administration for putting our lives at risk. At least we got another day under our belt.

If I have integrity, I am going to keep admitting when I am wrong. But I also have to admit that I’m right once in a while. I do my best to do what is right. If someone asks me how much money they owe me, I will give them the true amount. If someone asks me why I left a recent music concert early, I will say it is because I found the performer’s lyrics offensive. That is my truth.

If I have integrity, I tell the truth even when it is easier to lie. That means that when I am listening to someone and their circumstances are starting to make me sad to my core, I must either tell them, change the subject, or end the conversation. Over-responsibility and caretaking are not a healthy choice. Going into despair and not being able to function are not a good choice for me. I must build in a new behavior of taking care of myself.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10.

 

Positive Affirmations:

  • I listen to the Christ within that loves, guides and strengthens me.
  • All good in me comes from God.

When I have integrity and something is done right, it is God doing it – which I think is true.

In sharing my thoughts about integrity it is easy to see how it is the principle behind step 5, as I have shared “the exact nature of my wrongs.”[2]

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of integrity:

 

  • More journaling: I journal as much as I need to in order to get the issues out of me.
  • Worship: Through prayer and meditation I ask God what the right thing is for me to do. He helps me see it clearly.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and see things more clearly.
  • Documentation: I record my thoughts and revelations about my integrity into a tape recorder and notate them later.
  • Ask the Observer: When I’m with others and I hear something I’m not sure about, I stop and take a time-out. I get into the Observer position and ask myself “Is this true for me? Do I agree with this?” I make a choice and speak my truth when the time is right.
  • Turn it Over: I give it to God, ask him to take over, and let it go as much as possible. To do this, I say, “Dear Lord, let my words be your words, my thoughts be your thoughts, and my actions be your actions.” I do this as often as I need to.
  • Breathe: I breathe in and out. I relax.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day and helps me to hear and see the truth about myself. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.
  • Pat Myself on the Back: I realize that I’m doing the best I can to do what’s right and give myself credit for that.

 

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

[2] Ibid. pg. iv

Soul Searching

Soul Searching

No more plastic world

No more cement walls

No more fake breasts

Eyelashes or makeup

 

Only purity

Leaves crunching under my feet

Rocks

Dirt

Twigs

Spirit is here

God is here

He loves me

Thank heavens

No more pretending to feel okay

 

No more lies

About how I feel

Just me my kid and God

Just me my kid and God

No more plastic world

Dear God I give you my life

 

~ No More Plastic World, by Juliet A. Wright,

copyright 2013, all rights reserved

 

Now I’ll confront my fears head on

Speak my truth, sing my song,

And if you choose to walk away,

After you’ve heard what I have to say, at least I believed in me.

~ All These Fears, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2011, all rights reserved

 

The spiritual principle of soul searching lies underneath Step 4, which is about doing a fearless moral inventory. As I stated in my first book, when I take a fearless moral inventory “I am taking a sincere look at my positive and negative behaviors and belief systems (also defined as ‘defects of character’) as they have manifested themselves in my life.”

 

Wright, Juliet. Everything Is My Fault (Pownal, VT: Hidden Angel Publishing, 2012), p. 19.

 

My first book is my fearless moral inventory. This book is Part Two, and it is mostly about Soul Searching.

 

To me, soul searching means that I look deep within my true, spiritual self, to see the reality of what is there so that I can deal with it, fix it, enhance it or change it as is necessary to please God.

 

Soul searching is the spiritual principle behind Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 4:

 

  1. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.[1]

 

I have done many inventories. Every time I do a fearless moral inventory, I search my soul. I look under every rock, every piece of dirty carpet, under the moths in the window sill, under the front seat of the car and dig out all of the dirt. As painful as this process is, I look at the dirt for what it is, and I examine it. I am fearless. I know I have to deal with what is. I must face the truth.

In searching my soul, I look for the positive things too. I must always remember to do this. Inventories are not just about negative things. I tend to always dwell on the negative things about myself. I must acknowledge the good as well as the “needs improvement.”

When I do my soul searching, I look deep within myself to see what makes me tick. What do I believe in? What do I not believe in? What do I think? How do I feel? It’s taken me ten years just to figure this out and I’m still cracking the code that is me. I am just now learning what I think about things and how I feel at any given moment. I didn’t know anything about any of that until I started going through this program at 41 years old.

In searching my soul, I discover a Christian Quaker who has put God first in her life. I see someone who struggles with passivity, vanity, rage, selfishness, complaining, compulsiveness, and especially over-responsibility and caretaking. I see someone who wants to do what God wants her to do, but she also wants what she wants too. I will get over it, with God’s help.

Soul Searching is a precursor to acceptance. We must find the problem before we can accept it.

In searching my soul, I see a Juliet who must learn to set boundaries on what is and isn’t hers to fix. The 18 months that elapsed between my brother-in-law’s illness and death were too difficult and full of despair with me trying to cure cancer, fix my family, and still live my life. Of course, Pastor Jeremiah says in his What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do bible study that trials come along to make us stronger people. Satan brings them around to torture us, but God uses them to make us stronger. He is making us into the people he wants us to be.

Jeremiah, David. What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do (San Diego, CA: Turning Point for God, Inc., 2009, 2014), Audio CD 1.

In searching my soul, I see a Juliet who is starting to rely more and more on playing her violin. I need to play my violin to heal myself, to be disciplined, to be sane. I need to play my Wohlfahrt Etudes every day. I need to listen to and play Bach’s Partitas on a regular basis. I need this in my life. And you know what? My hard work is paying off. I’m getting better at it. This is me taking care of myself. It is me taking responsibility for the only person I can change and fix: me. And actually I can’t even do that. Only God can do that. I can be willing.

Soul searching is the opposite of spitting out some standard answer that sounds good just to get it over with, so I can go eat chocolate until my pain goes away. (I like to eat chocolate when I’m stressed, by the way. It does help, if only for a moment. Dark chocolate only, please.)

Soul searching is digging down deep for the truth until I find it, without fear. This means digging out all of the rocks of my denial, avoidance, and procrastination, throwing them aside, and continuing with my pick axe and shovel until I reach the truth of what is there and how I feel.

I think soul searching is an ongoing process, requiring much repetition and refinement, as silver (refined seven times). This means many inventories. How many? As many as is required to continue to peel off the layers of the onion that are hindering the true flavor of who I am and who God wants me to be. This is especially true of my over-responsibility and caretaking. Overcoming those defects is taking me a long time. I still want to fix everything for everyone I love. I still let thoughts of this take over my mind and soul in an unhealthy way. Little by little, however, I am getting better. The steps are tiny, but I am walking the path. It doesn’t matter if I have to redirect my thoughts from my family of origin or the sad demise of my friendship with Doris back to God every five seconds. As long as I do it, I am working my program, working on recovery.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • You are doing God’s work
  • Observe, don’t react. The Observer is who you really are.
  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Treat it like the front page of the paper.

 

Positive Affirmation:

  • I can look at the truth about myself and love myself anyway.
  • I can make mistakes everyday.
  • I am lovable.
  • I recognize good things about myself.
  • I love myself for who I am.

I am continuing to seek God and have Him shine the light on those dark parts of my cave where all the bugs and millipedes and creepy crawly things, bats, and icky muck live so I can get rid of them. I will keep doing this until I am the person God intended me to be. I’m doing the best I can.

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of soul searching:

 

  • More journaling: I journal as much as I need to in order to get the issues out of me.
  • Documentation: I record my thoughts and revelations about my soul searching into a tape recorder and notate them later.
  • Worship: Through prayer and meditation I search my soul for what is there before God. He helps me see it clearly.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and sort out how I’m feeling about things.
  • Readiness: I pray for the willingness and courage to be very honest and get the truth out of me.
  • Other Inventory Formats: I research other inventory formats that might help me work on my defects of character and make choices about working on them. This gives me yet another lense through which to view myself.
  • Attend Meetings: through sharing and listening at CoDA meetings God speaks to me and reveals more of the truth about myself.
  • Program Literature: I read the Codependents Anonymous Basic Text, the Codependents Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Workbook (often called the 12 and 12) and other literature. God speaks to me in this way too.
  • Forgiveness: I forgive myself. This gives me the freedom to be really honest in my soul searching without fear of blame and shame. I realize that I’m doing the best I can and give myself credit for that.
  • Release: I release my resentment. Resentment is a block to my healing.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day and helps me to hear and see the truth about myself. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

Surrender

Surrender

 

It’s not our show

It’s his to run,

We can only come home

Like the prodigal son

Do our best to give up control

Bide our time, walk in faith

 

~ Something to Believe In, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved

 

 

I have to be able to surrender in order to live life in this world. It is just absolutely necessary. Otherwise I’ll drive myself completely crazy.

 

Surrender is one of the most basic and vital spiritual principles in the recovery program. It has become an essential spiritual practice for me. I surrender many things to God daily. I begin my day by getting on my knees and giving my day to God.
To me, surrender means that I give up control of something. In this case, I am giving up control of my life to God.

 

The principle of surrender is the river bed in which the water of Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 3 flows:

 

  1. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.[1]

 

 

I have faith, confidence, and trust in Christ and in God’s divine plan for me. Why then do I not have confidence in my ability to follow him? Because I don’t surrender enough. It is insufficient for me to just get on my knees once in the morning and think, “Okay, now I’m set.” I am much too human and flawed for that. I have to practice surrendering every moment of every day.

 

Sometimes I am a poor example of a child of God. For example, I rage, I lose my temper. My commute is annoying. My inability to get my carcass out of the gym on time to have a relaxed drive to work, if that is possible, is hopeless and totally rage-producing. So I will pray for the willingness to be willing to have confidence in myself and to give up control, get up every morning, and try again. Give up control. Surrender.

 

The phone brings out the dark side of me also. I get mad when it rings. Ridiculous, I know. I feel responsible for whomever is on the other end of the line. I have to fix them, take care of them. After all, they are probably calling me for help right?

 

At the same time, I can’t control when the phone rings. I probably can’t control whatever the person is calling about or asking me to do either. I need to surrender the phone to God. This is a circumstance beyond my control. I will address the phone in more detail in a later chapter.

 

When I surrender, I give up control of my life to God. I mean I never really had control of it anyway, but I come to terms with this in my mind. God’s in charge. I can’t control whatever it is.

 

I surrender to God my over-responsibility and caretaking. I don’t have to fix or control it. I can let go. I can give it to God. I can’t fix it and I don’t have to fix it. I let go and let God.

 

Surrender takes the pressure off me. Let go, Juliet.

 

I had to surrender a lot during my brother-in-law’s illness (and eventual death). Many days I was sad about his illness to the point that I could barely function. I was desperately worried about my sister in all of this. I felt responsible for her and wanted to fix everything for her. I didn’t want either of them to hurt. I wanted them to get their “happily ever after.” This was codependency because it was bordering on my not being able to take care of myself. I was just about at a standstill with despair. I couldn’t fix it, nor was it my responsibility. Where were my boundaries? I needed to surrender all of this to God and I did, repeatedly. It was difficult. It hurt. I hurt for them. Still, I kept surrendering.

 

Yes, I have had to surrender my over-responsibility and caretaking to God. He is the only one who can take it away from my tortured soul.

 

I have to surrender my job to God too. I do this on a daily basis. Lately I have been too worried about what other people think of me. I have to give up my control of who takes my class, who has decided to quit who likes me, who doesn’t and whose parents are dissatisfied.

 

The good news is that I can lay down my arms to God. I don’t have to figure it out. Any of it. Even cancer. Juliet did not have to and could not cure cancer by the end of whatever day or days she was in a state of hopelessness. I don’t have to plan my life all out perfectly. All I have to do is my best, do what is in front of me, and trust that this was God’s will for me for that day. God can figure it out for me. He can pave the way for me and show me what he wants me to do. Whatever I did not get done today, he didn’t want me to get done. Whatever I got done, it is enough.

A Living Sacrifice

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

                  ~ Romans 12:1

I need to present my life to God as a living sacrifice. That means keeping my emotions out of things, like the CoDA Basic Text says:

In seeking God’s will for us for specific situations, we may be led to let go         emotionally and do nothingneither taking nor making changes in our      path circumstances.[2]

 

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospels will save it.”

~ Mark 8:34-35
This last bible verse was on my desk calendar a couple of days ago and this idea came to me:

God is in charge. I can surrender my life to him. Give my life over. Give up on controlling everything.

This is what surrender means to me. Whenever I was on the edge of despair over my brother-in-law’s illness , I got on my knees and surrendered. I gave it back to God. I Turned it over. Whenever I am in anguish over the demise of my long time friendship with Doris, I can give it over to God. He can do for me what I cannot do for myself.

The good news is that I don’t have to figure it out. I can abandon my need to control everything and be in charge. I can yield to the temptation to think I’m all that and I am in charge. I’m not in charge. I am just dust.

Surrender means to me that I will do today one step at a time and give every step to God. I will try my best to do what he wants me to do. I will put God first today. I will surrender. I will say this every morning. Just for today. Every day.

 

 

One step at a time. Live in gratitude.

 

Surrendering is becoming as natural as breathing for me. Today, that is. Right now. With every breath I am letting go and letting God.

 

It means surrendering my worries about Alice. Let go, Juliet. Detach. Surrender them to God. He will take care of her.

 

It means surrendering my responsibility to others. Here’s all these people God, please take over.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

  • Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
  • Relax and watch.
  • Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10.

 

Positive Affirmation:

  • I listen to the Christ within that loves, guides and strengthens me.

 

I was listening to Reverend Steve Mays on my way to work one day. He said that sometimes God removes people from our lives because we put too much emphasis on them. God wants the emphasis to be on him. This might be God’s work in my life right now. He wants me to put him first, do my job and most of all, do this book. That is my work on this planet right now. That is the job he has for me to do. I will do my best to do it.

 

Surrender means putting God in the driver’s seat. He’s the one who should be there. Not me. I mean He is there already and my control and spot in the driver’s seat is just an illusion. I just have to acknowledge that and get my stupid human ego out of the way. I will follow. I will listen. Thank you, God.

 

Surrender, Juliet. Let go. Just let go.

 

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of surrender:

 

  • Submission: I get on my knees and say, “I surrender, dear Lord; I surrender. I give you my life. It is about what you want, not about what I want.”
  • More journaling: I journal to get the issues out of me.
  • Scripture: I read my bible, especially verses that involve pouring out my soul to God and trusting him with my life.
  • Worship: I worship through prayer and meditation. I talk to him through prayer and listen in meditation. Worship is complete surrender to God.
  • Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and see things more clearly.
  • God is in Charge: I remember that God is sovereign and he has a plan for me. All I have to do pray, listen, obey and let go.
  • The God Within: I realize that there is part of God inside me and I can trust that.
  • Breathe!: I breathe in and out.
  • Let it Go: I let it go.
  • Get Rid of Negativity: I burn my journal notes, if necessary, to get rid of that negativity.
  • Relief: I feel better!
  • Gratitude: I give thanks to my generous, forgiving, wonderful God. He is so good to me.
  • More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
  • Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.

 

[1] Ibid., p. iv.

[2] Ibid., p. 73

New Album – Fearless Moral Inventory:

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