Super Storms and Speed Bumps
I can be a very obsessive person. When this particular character defect starts revving its engine my mind I can easily get caught up in all or nothing catastrophic thinking. Everything becomes the world’s biggest disaster, the world’s biggest super storm. Now in reality, it may not be a super storm at all. It may just be a speed bump.
What is a super storm and what is a speed bump? And how can I tell the difference? Sometimes I think experience is the answer. My body needs to learn the difference too, because right now everything is a crisis. My heart starts pounding and my mind starts racing faster and faster. Oh my gosh, how am I going to survive? Oh no, it’s all over. My life is going to end.
One of my most recent calamities involved my teaching license. A few weeks ago my mentor called me and urged me to log onto DESE website (Department of Elementary and Secondary Education) and renew my license because the Union president said all you have to do is log on, pay your fees and that’s it – license renewed. I was pretty certain that my license was due to expire in February, so it made sense to pursue this.
I logged onto the website and low and behold, to my surprise, it said my professional license was pending and I still have my initial license. Further investigation revealed that my test scores had been accepted and approved.
However, in another place it said my test scores were incomplete. Plus the button involved was pink, which I took to be significant, meaning bad news was ahead, something awful, something life changing, or at least horrifically expensive and that was what I had to fix. So I scanned and faxed my test results to the email listed on the bottom of the page. Well, in another place it said I needed to take a huge load of special education courses, and courses in technology for teachers. “There is no way I can do this,” I thought to myself.
By this point I was sweating and my inner child was so scared she was clinging to me for life as if I were the only tree left in the middle of an Indonesian tsunami.
So I email the DESE folks a hundred times, sent them all this stuff and tried to figure out what else I could do for a living. I was really in a place of fear and lack and my heart was pounding as if I had just run the Boston Marathon. “I’m going to starve,” I thought. “I’m going to end up jobless on the street, living in a box in the back woods of Pownal. I won’t be able to teach, but maybe God doesn’t want me to teach. Maybe this is a sign from God. But how am I going to make money? How am I going to support myself? I’ll have to eat Top Raman. I hate that! I don’t want to eat that. My license expires in February. February is a really cold month. Help!”
A few days later I received an email saying I emailed the wrong person and I need to call between the hours of 3:00 and 5:00 and wait on hold. Great. Waiting on hold, my favorite thing!
I lived through the lifelong hold and spoke to a really nice man who said all I needed to do was download a form, get one of my principals to sign it and fax it back to him. He would look out for it and take care of the rest. By the end of the week I had a license that was renewed until 2019 for the bargain price of $25.00!
So what I thought was a super storm was really only a speed bump.
My sweet brother-in-law is dealing with brain cancer. My sister is staying home to take care of him. Their whole world is turned upside down. That is a super storm. I send them Light every day.
All or nothing catastrophic thinking gets me in trouble. I learned it from my family of origin where in most cases the crisis was really a super storm and not a speed bump. By working my recovery program I am getting better at seeing the difference between super storms and speed bumps. I am continually reminded that there is a God and it is not me. I’m sure God has more lessons in store for me. Maybe someday I’ll get it.
Very true article about how your mind, decisions, and extestential factors can cause adrenaline to wind out within your thoughts. I have experienced the same situation countless times and have been working on quieting and simplifying my thoughts to curb the “adrenaline take over” for years.
As I said in my article, my family history lent itself to being in constant crisis mode, because that is what went on. I am learning to change my thought patterns and, slowly, to live in the moment, turn it over to God and do what is in front of me. Happy new year.
I used to think that I only had so many heartbeats during my lifetime…so I called everything a speed bump and lived happily ever after! I don’t have high blood pressure and I learned two more things—breathe deeply and meditate frequently! Happy New Year!
I have to get back into the practice of deep breathing. Living in constant prayer is also a goal of mine. I will have to practice that over the next few days as we are expecting a couple of days of storms. Happy New Year to you too!!
Good story. I like this.
Thanks Sherrie. Thoughts and moments like this really help me put things in perspective.
In the Light,
Juliet
Juliet,
I have so taken for granted the you I see schlepping in early mornings with everything but the kitchen sink in your arms as you pull your suitcase full of a days music lessons. I now have a glimpse of so much more. Wow….
Hi Lisa,
Wow, thanks so much for taking the time to read one of my blogs. We all have parts of ourselves that are hidden amongst our busy lives. Thank you for sharing this. In the Light,
Juliet
Hey Jules,
My sister has read some of the sections of your book that describes the Pollard sisters. I understand that your book is a depiction of what you remember of your childhood. To possibly help you and your attempt to heal, you need to know that we never ever judged you and your family, in fact, we were always quite envious. I was aware that your mom carried a flask and always seemed really really happy around us. I had no idea what was in a flask and never thought anything about it. She was beautiful and talented and seemed like the perfect mom.
Since, I was your sisters age, we were as close as friends could be until she was sent to a private school and I stayed in public.
We were friends until Jr. High. We were never taken away from you by our parents to protect us. In fact, I remember traveling with your Mom to dance class in Springfield Vermont in the 7th grade, many times. Not once were we not allowed to spend time with you guys. I’m not saying this to correct you, I just want you to know, that we loved you and we wanted to spend every waking moment scheming what our next adventure would be with the Wright girls.
Julie, I have not read the whole book, and I cannot wait to, but, I do want you to know that you and your sister were the most wonderful friends that a small town girl could ever have.
You and I had many Barbie Doll play dates, as well as playing matchbox cars in the sand pile. Riding Star, Misty and Charlie, our ponies, over the back roads, were some of the best days of my life. Remember swimming in the pond and being chased by the geese?
I am grateful, that you were a good friend and I am sorry that your childhood memories were not as happy as they should have been.
Please call me any time if you would like. You know where I am.
Love you
Jo
Dear Jo,
Good to hear from you. I appreciate your kind words of love and comfort in regards to our childhoods and my book. I too have fond memories of us as kids. I remember the horseback rides and especially the Barbie dolls. You should know that the Pollard sisters were not you and your sister. They represent others. There was a lot of my childhood that was very painful, especially socially. I didn’t understand what we had done wrong until much later. Well, I wrote the book and did my step work in an effort to heal myself and get it out of me. My 12 step work has saved my life and has brought me closer to God. He is my reason for living and I am grateful for that. I’m working on another book that goes deeper into recovery principles and tools. I hope you and your family are well and surviving this long, tough winter. Thanks for connecting. Love, Juliet
LOVE YOU AND YOUR SISTER……xoxo
Thanks Jo !!!
Love,
Juliet