Surrender

Surrender

It’s not our show

It’s his to run,

We can only come home

Like the prodigal son

Do our best to give up control

Bide our time, walk in faith

~ Something to Believe In, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved

I have to be able to surrender in order to live life in this world. It is just absolutely necessary. Otherwise I’ll drive myself completely crazy.

Surrender is one of the most basic and vital spiritual principles in the recovery program. It has become an essential spiritual practice for me. I surrender many things to God daily. I begin my day by getting on my knees and giving my day to God.
To me, surrender means that I give up control of something. In this case, I am giving up control of my life to God.

The principle of surrender is the river bed in which the water of Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 3 flows:

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.^[1]

I have faith, confidence, and trust in Christ and in God’s divine plan for me. Why then do I not have confidence in my ability to follow him? Because I don’t surrender enough. It is insufficient for me to just get on my knees once in the morning and think, “Okay, now I’m set.” I am much too human and flawed for that. I have to practice surrendering every moment of every day.

Sometimes I am a poor example of a child of God. For example, I rage, I lose my temper. My commute is annoying. My inability to get my carcass out of the gym on time to have a relaxed drive to work, if that is possible, is hopeless and totally rage-producing. So I will pray for the willingness to be willing to have confidence in myself and to give up control, get up every morning, and try again. Give up control. Surrender.

The phone brings out the dark side of me also. I get mad when it rings. Ridiculous, I know. I feel responsible for whomever is on the other end of the line. I have to fix them, take care of them. After all, they are probably calling me for help right?

At the same time, I can’t control when the phone rings. I probably can’t control whatever the person is calling about or asking me to do either. I need to surrender the phone to God. This is a circumstance beyond my control. I will address the phone in more detail in a later chapter.

When I surrender, I give up control of my life to God. I mean I never really had control of it anyway, but I come to terms with this in my mind. God’s in charge. I can’t control whatever it is.

I surrender to God my over-responsibility and caretaking. I don’t have to fix or control it. I can let go. I can give it to God. I can’t fix it and I don’t have to fix it. I let go and let God.

Surrender takes the pressure off me. Let go, Juliet.

I had to surrender a lot during my brother-in-law’s illness (and eventual death). Many days I was sad about his illness to the point that I could barely function. I was desperately worried about my sister in all of this. I felt responsible for her and wanted to fix everything for her. I didn’t want either of them to hurt. I wanted them to get their “happily ever after.” This was codependency because it was bordering on my not being able to take care of myself. I was just about at a standstill with despair. I couldn’t fix it, nor was it my responsibility. Where were my boundaries? I needed to surrender all of this to God and I did, repeatedly. It was difficult. It hurt. I hurt for them. Still, I kept surrendering.

Yes, I have had to surrender my over-responsibility and caretaking to God. He is the only one who can take it away from my tortured soul.

I have to surrender my job to God too. I do this on a daily basis. Lately I have been too worried about what other people think of me. I have to give up my control of who takes my class, who has decided to quit who likes me, who doesn’t and whose parents are dissatisfied.

The good news is that I can lay down my arms to God. I don’t have to figure it out. Any of it. Even cancer. Juliet did not have to and could not cure cancer by the end of whatever day or days she was in a state of hopelessness. I don’t have to plan my life all out perfectly. All I have to do is my best, do what is in front of me, and trust that this was God’s will for me for that day. God can figure it out for me. He can pave the way for me and show me what he wants me to do. Whatever I did not get done today, he didn’t want me to get done. Whatever I got done, it is enough.

A Living Sacrifice

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

                  ~ Romans 12:1

I need to present my life to God as a living sacrifice. That means keeping my emotions out of things, like the CoDA Basic Text says:

In seeking God’s will for us for specific situations, we may be led to let go         emotionally and do nothing — neither taking nor making changes in our      path circumstances.^[2]

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospels will save it.”

~ Mark 8:34-35
This last bible verse was on my desk calendar a couple of days ago and this idea came to me:

God is in charge. I can surrender my life to him. Give my life over. Give up on controlling everything.

This is what surrender means to me. Whenever I was on the edge of despair over my brother-in-law’s illness , I got on my knees and surrendered. I gave it back to God. I Turned it over. Whenever I am in anguish over the demise of my long time friendship with Doris, I can give it over to God. He can do for me what I cannot do for myself.

The good news is that I don’t have to figure it out. I can abandon my need to control everything and be in charge. I can yield to the temptation to think I’m all that and I am in charge. I’m not in charge. I am just dust.

Surrender means to me that I will do today one step at a time and give every step to God. I will try my best to do what he wants me to do. I will put God first today. I will surrender. I will say this every morning. Just for today. Every day.

One step at a time. Live in gratitude.

Surrendering is becoming as natural as breathing for me. Today, that is. Right now. With every breath I am letting go and letting God.

It means surrendering my worries about Alice. Let go, Juliet. Detach. Surrender them to God. He will take care of her.

It means surrendering my responsibility to others. Here’s all these people God, please take over.

Juliet’s Mantras that Help:

• Hold the outcome in the Light of God.
• Relax and watch.
• Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10.

Positive Affirmation:

• I listen to the Christ within that loves, guides and strengthens me.

I was listening to Reverend Steve Mays on my way to work one day. He said that sometimes God removes people from our lives because we put too much emphasis on them. God wants the emphasis to be on him. This might be God’s work in my life right now. He wants me to put him first, do my job and most of all, do this book. That is my work on this planet right now. That is the job he has for me to do. I will do my best to do it.

Surrender means putting God in the driver’s seat. He’s the one who should be there. Not me. I mean He is there already and my control and spot in the driver’s seat is just an illusion. I just have to acknowledge that and get my stupid human ego out of the way. I will follow. I will listen. Thank you, God.

Surrender, Juliet. Let go. Just let go.

Additional practices I engage in when working the principle of surrender:

• Submission: I get on my knees and say, “I surrender, dear Lord; I surrender. I give you my life. It is about what you want, not about what I want.”
• More journaling: I journal to get the issues out of me.
• Scripture: I read my bible, especially verses that involve pouring out my soul to God and trusting him with my life.
• Worship: I worship through prayer and meditation. I talk to him through prayer and listen in meditation. Worship is complete surrender to God.
• Exercise: working out on my punching bag, swimming, walking on my treadmill and lifting weights all help me to calm down and see things more clearly.
• God is in Charge: I remember that God is sovereign and he has a plan for me. All I have to do pray, listen, obey and let go.
• The God Within: I realize that there is part of God inside me and I can trust that.
• Breathe!: I breathe in and out.
• Let it Go: I let it go.
• Get Rid of Negativity: I burn my journal notes, if necessary, to get rid of that negativity.
• Relief: I feel better!
• Gratitude: I give thanks to my generous, forgiving, wonderful God. He is so good to me.
• More Mantras: Mantras help me to focus on listening for God’s guidance throughout my day. Two mantras that work well for me are “I open all before thee” and “Here I am, Lord.”
• Slogans: I repeat my favorite slogans, such as “Easy Does It,” “This Too Shall Pass,” “Act As If,” “Let Go and Let God” and “Turn it Over.” Repeating the slogans really helps me relax.

^[1] Ibid., p. iv.

^[2] Ibid., p. 73