SERENITY THROUGH THE UNREST

How grateful I am for my trials,

They are carving out God’s me.

How grateful I am for my sadness,

For it magnifies the joy to be.

~ My Gratitude Poem by Juliet A. Wright

copyright 2015, all rights reserved

The biggest gift I have been given in my recovery is the gift of serenity. Even amidst life’s struggles of love, loss, death, lost friendships, painful experiences at work, or other occurrences that life throws at me, I am finding more and more moments of serenity and peace. I can sit next to my crackling fire and admire the sounds and colors. I can arrive home from work, turn off the car, look up towards heaven, and admire His beautiful, amazing creation of all those magnificent stars and galaxies that He created with one hand tied behind His back. I can stand and look up at the night sky for a few minutes, focus only on that, and experience pure joy. I can stop fretting about my tough workday with all of its struggles and notice how the snow sparkles on the ground when I move. I can even dance around with it like a little kid. In additional to my own recovery work, I owe these moments to my sponsor who is repeatedly giving me assignments to stop, do nothing, and notice such things.

Working my program has also taught me to sit still once in a while and appreciate the good stuff. I can find serenity even though life is chaotic. These quiet and joyful moments help me get through difficulties.

Recovery has trained me to pick up my violin and play a Bach Partita to rise up out of despair and into the deep, refreshing spirit of inner peace. I can read an upsetting email from someone, go pick up my guitar, pour myself into my music, and get healed. These moments are what life is all about.

Serenity is being able to realize when something is not my issue. Recovery has taught me to turn off the computer and walk away when I see something that upsets me, or unplug the phone and go do some yoga to get my center back. It is realizing that I need to take care of myself and that is okay. It’s being able to give back to people what is theirs, instead of heading into compliance out of fear of abandonment and fear of rejection. This is the recovery that emerges from attending meetings and working the program daily. The trials are worth the joy and serenity I receive on the other side.

My recovery program has also helped me find serenity in solitude. I am very happy with my own company. This is magnificent progress for someone who grew up being very “other-oriented.” I used to think I had to have a romantic partner in my life to have a sense of worth. This was at its worst in high school and college, but was even present as recently as during my relationship with Brad (an involvement which I discuss in detail in my first book, which occurred after my marriage to Alex).

Now I’m happy just because I’m me and I have the love of my wonderful, merciful, graceful, loving God. That is what working this program has done for me. I can be in solitude and be content. That is recovery. Thank you, God.