The Twelves That Help

THE TWELVES THAT HELP

Introduction

The 12 Steps are at the heart of the Codependents Anonymous program.

The 12 Steps have been adapted for CoDA from the Steps and Traditions from Alcoholics Anonymous with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

I work the Steps to recover.

Working the Steps

To truly experience recovery from codependency, one has to “work the Steps.”  That[  means attending meetings, getting and reading the CoDA Big Book and the Workbook, getting a sponsor, answering the Workbook questions, and reading the answers to your sponsor.

People work the steps in their own way at their own pace. Some people go fast, some people really take their time.  Many 12 steppers work the steps multiple times.  Some people only work them once. How long it takes to work the steps is different for each person. There is no right or wrong.  It is whatever is right for you. 

I started working the steps as soon as I started going to meetings.  As of the writing of this book I have been in recovery for seven years and have been through the steps twice.

I am planning on starting my third time through the steps this coming week.  I do this with my sponsor.  This is what is right for me.

Working the steps has helped me because right from step one they have taught me that I cannot control others and I am not responsible for them.  They also teach me that I don’t have to go through anything alone. I can give my life to God and he will take care of me.  I can take an honest look at myself separate my behaviors from my self worth. I can work with God to help get rid of the defects of character that affect my life in a negative way.  I can fix whatever my behaviors have done with my relationships.  Then I can share my story with others and help them on their journey.  It is in this sharing that helps me to keep working my program and deepens my recovery. 

Here are the 12 Steps, followed by a brief discussion on each step. 

The 12 Steps of Codependents Anonymous

1.  We admitted we were powerless over others — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.   Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.  Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.  Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.  Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.  Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

8.  Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11.  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.[1]

I also want to provide you with CoDA’s 12 Promises. These wonderful assurances always motivate me to keep working on myself. Within my discussion of the steps, I have included some of the Promises that I use most often.

The Twelve Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous

I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. As I make an honest effort to work the Twelve Steps and follow the Twelve Traditions…

1.I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.

2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.

3. I know a new freedom.

4.    I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.

5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.

6.    I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.

7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.

8.   I learn that it is possible to mend – to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.

9.    I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.

10.    I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.

11. I trust the guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.

12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.

[1] Codependents Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous. (Dallas, TX: CoDA Resource Publishing, 1995), p. vi.

 [RKQ1]Add a little more background. At what stage does someone in CoDA work the Steps? How long does it take? Why does it help?