Juliet’s Anti-Anxiety Process

The Processes

Introduction

I have some Processes that I use to rid myself of my anxieties and get myself back on the track of a productive, happy life. In the following sections, I will present these Processes in their most basic form.  I will also present examples of the Processes in action.

These Processes have been very helpful to me, and they are also key to my recovery. They’re helping me to delete old, destructive patterns of thinking and useful for building in new behaviors that work better for me.

Anti-Anxiety Process

Here is the Anti-Anxiety Process in action as it relates to Mom possibly getting kicked out of Hanover Terrace, the fancy assisted living facility she stayed in briefly in 1999. This was only a few months after her and Dad’s accident and she had just, once again, gotten out of rehab. This incident is described in my “Have Another Drink” chapter of my first book. This is a step-by-step look at what was going on in Juliet’s brain during this whole thing. 

The key here is that I needed to observe, not react. So I plugged into my process for getting into the Observer, getting out of reaction mode, and dealing with the resulting anxiety. 

1.  I get into the Observer by asking myself: What’s going on in my body, feelings, brain?

2. I observe what’s going on in these three areas and take note of my answers.

My body: My heart is racing. I’m sweating and starting to breathe heavy.

My feelings: I am feeling panicked like there is a crisis.  I am upset, disappointed, sad, angry, and panicked all at once.  Later this becomes resentment.  Here I am away from my home and my husband trying to clean up this mess, and all Mom can do is drink? She’s not supposed to be drinking at all, especially not there.

My brain: My brain is saying I did something wrong. 

3.  I breathe in and out and few times. 

4. Pray.  Give it to God.  Say, “God, please help me.”

5. I remind myself of what the truth is: The reality is that I know this is not true.  This is not a reflection of me.  It is Mom’s stuff.  Still, it affects me.  But it doesn’t have to.  I can leave her there. But not if they kick her out. Then what the heck am I going to do with her? (Confusion)

6.  I breathe big again.

7.  What’s the information?  Mom is drinking again.

8.  What are my choices for handling this? I can freak out, which is useless, or give it to God and let go.

9.  Hold outcome in the Light of God, meditate, give thanks, visualization. 

9.  Take action – make a plan. 

10.  Affirm choice, accept it.

11.  Let it go. I will let it go.

It never serves me to get freaked out and overly emotional about things, especially if they have nothing to do with me.

Wright, Juliet Everything is My Fault – One Woman’s Journey Through Codependency, Pownal, VT: Hidden Angel Publishing, 2012.