Disbarment

I feel like you’ve done me wrong

Your will to win was strong

One false move

And then your kingdom came crashing down

The walls went up

And you were gone.

(Where Are You Now? from Fearless Moral Inventory, by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2007, all rights reserved.)

One of the pieces of my history that I’ve really struggled with is the issue of my father’s professional integrity.  This is the man I worshiped, obeyed, trusted, and made my God.  What were his values?  Did he have integrity?  Did he tell the truth?  Was he generous?  Greedy?  Self-centered? 

Because he was my father and I believed everything he said, I took his values as my own and felt like I had to do everything that he asked of me.  I thought he was always right about everything. It never occurred to me that he might be wrong.  It doesn’t occur to a six-year-old child that their dad might be wrong.

That’s why I needed to know the truth about the disbarment, the truth about him and what he did.  Did he do it or was he a victim?  Was Mom a victim? 

Everyone who really knew something about the details of the case is gone.  I didn’t know the specifics of what happened and I didn’t trust my mother’s memory about it.  Therefore I researched it myself so I could learn more about my history and what happened with my father. 

Dad was a very successful prosecuting attorney. He put three murderers in jail his first year in office and was at the top of his game in no time.  His achievements and political ambitions raised some eyebrows.  News articles I’ve read suggest that he had the Governor’s office in mind as a career goal, although we never discussed it. He was clearly on a successful political career path when things derailed. 

The fact that my parents were from out of town and successful didn’t set well with some people. Vermont can be a pretty closed-off place and newcomers are not often accepted, especially in the small towns (and most of the towns are small). If your grandparents weren’t born in that town, you’re an outsider and will be treated as such. 

Somewhere around 1969, Dad’s doctor wrote him a letter that went something like this:

Your mother is smoking way too much and your wife is on enough drugs to stock a small pharmacy.  Please resign from your job.

Dad was the district prosecuting attorney for Windsor County at the time this letter was written.  Working in such a high profile job that put murderers behind bars and dealt with so much death and darkness put a lot of stress on Dad.  When he was stressed out, everyone was stressed out.  That’s the way it worked.

After he received this letter from his Doctor, Dad went into private practice as an estate-planning lawyer. That’s when the trouble started.  Apparently, he would “be nice” to older ladies and they would will him all their money.  Dad was really handsome and could be very sweet when he wanted to be.  He could easily charm his way into your heart and make you feel like the most important person in the world. 

A popular news magazine article from that period reported that Dad drew up one woman’s will just eight days before her death. This document willed significant amounts of stocks to my mother, the property to my grandmother, and money to my sister and me.  There was also cash willed to my mother that was designed for specific purposes. Grandpa Roman was mentioned as being the beneficiary in wills of other women he drew up wills for.  This article actually mentioned my sister and me.  So the other kids at school were looking at me funny and no wonder. It wasn’t just my imagination.  

At the trial, Dad’s doctor testified that this woman, Sonja, said that she would kill herself if she couldn’t will all her money to Dad.  The twist here is that Sonja had terminal throat cancer and had already had several cobalt treatments that were unsuccessful. I mean eight days before her death.  She knew she was dying.  Why would she say she’d kill herself?  I understand she didn’t know the exact day and time she would die, but she was dying.  Was she having an affair with Dad? Was she even well enough to do that?  Or was he just buttering her up with candy and his overwhelming charm, making her feel good, to get her money? I remember reading something in the newspaper about him watering her plants or something. I’m thinking there might have been more to it than that. The courts apparently had these same questions.

Dad was accused of doing this to several older ladies, but it was Sonja’s case that brought him to court.

Dad’s legal troubles had a devastating effect on both of my parents. They both started drinking way too much and Mom continued to abuse prescription medication.  Dad would frequently take us out to dinner during and after this period of time.  He would proceed to get very drunk and then drive us home.  The car would be going all over the road.  Alice and I would be in the back, pretending to be asleep, too scared to open our eyes.  Mom would be begging him to let her drive, but of course the control freak would never allow that.  It’s a miracle any of us survived. 

The fact that the trial was very public didn’t help.  My mother-in-law said she used to watch updates on Dad’s trial on television and used to feel bad for Mom.  In reading the newspaper articles that reported on the case, it was evident to me how much Mom supported Dad. She really stood up for him and underwent hours of grilling on the witness stand by the prosecutor.  That couldn’t have been easy. 

Alice remembers Mom looking through her closet and saying, “I have to put on my go-to-court clothes.”  Maybe that is part of the reason that Alice is closer to Mom than I am.  She remembers more of what went on and has more compassion for her. 

Mom said Dad had to give most of the money back.  She remembers him sitting on the floor crying, saying, “I’m going to jail, I’m going to jail.” 

At least now I know that I wasn’t crazy.  Kids at school were aware of my family’s troubles and were treating me differently.  They knew more about what was going on than I did.  No wonder they thought I was clueless.  I was.

Although I didn’t know or understand what was going on with my father’s career troubles, I was affected by them. I thought that the extreme unrest that enveloped the house like a cloud was the result of something I had done wrong. 

Newspaper articles and news magazines of the day presented fairly damning evidence against Dad and he did get disbarred.  I guess that means he did it.  He was engaged in this dishonest activity and that is his behavior.  I don’t have to own it. But I can as an adult look back on his actions from a new perspective and think, I don’t have to believe everything he said about me because he was not God, he was a man, he was flawed, he was not perfect.  So, he may have told me things about myself that weren’t true.  I don’t have to take any of that in as truth or blame.