Step 1

Step 1

1.  We admitted we were powerless over others — that our lives had become unmanageable.[1][ 

I am powerless over others. When I came to Codependents Anonymous, my life truly had become unmanageable. I was in the throws of the codependent crazies on a daily basis. When I came to CoDA, I began working Step 1. 

It was then that I realized that I am powerless over everyone and everything, including my mother’s alcoholism, my father’s rage and sexual conquests, my sister’s finances, my sister’s love life, Alex’s feelings towards me, Brad’s feelings towards me, Alex’s sexual orientation, my students’ practice habits, lost violins, nasty parents, what other people think about me, my songwriting, my musicianship, or Hurricane Irene. 

I cannot fix or control someone else. What my mother was doing to herself was not my fault. It affected me. I was living there. I was watching her destroy herself. But I had no jurisdiction over her. 

If a person with a substance abuse problem doesn’t want to stop that behavior, there is nothing I can do.

I am powerless over others. I was powerless over my mother’s drinking.

I repeat these mantras to myself:

It’s not my fault.  It has nothing to do with me.

I will let go and let God.
I will take care of myself.

I will live my own life.

I will take care of myself. Because, as Melody Beattie says in her book Codependent No More, it[  doesn’t matter what you do.  You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.[2]

As soon as I admitted my powerlessness over others, as soon as I admitted and faced the unmanageability of my life, life started to get better.  Admitting these things was Half the battle.

I write responses to the questions in the Workbook and read them to my sponsor. This helps me heal. 

[1] Ibid.

[2] Melody Beattie, Codependent No More. (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1987), p. 80.