No More Plastic World – How I Wrote it

No More Plastic World 

No more plastic world

No more cement walls

No more fake chest

Eyelashes or makeup

Only purity

Leaves crunching under my feet

Rocks, dirt, twigs

Spirit is here

God is here

He loves me

Sincere

No more pretending to be okay

No more lies about how I feel

Just me my kid and God

Just me my kid and God

No more plastic me

No more inner walls

Dear God I give you my life

They wanted me to be 

A perfect entity 

I tried 

To fit into their mold.

Who in the world are you

Looking back at me

I’m wearing their charms

And you’ve hid your face from me

I am lost

They’ve banished me.

Their hearts are cold

It’s plain to see

Take off their charms

Give back the key

This is not your destiny.

I didn’t even know her then

The child locked within

Buried but game

For making herself known

A volcano

Almost blown. 

Letting go 

Of all I wanted 

For God

Took my dream away.

Eliminating 

My false prophets

Now He’s in the lead to stay. 

Driving lost for hours

With the rest of the herd

Heavy eyes, fading out

Then I feel a crash

Shame and angry words

Another mess made in a flash

Guess what I’ve failed again.

I have exposed my sin.

I’m not good enough

To fit his mold 

This is the end

His heart is cold. 

But me and my kid and God

Me and my kid and God

No more plastic world 

Just dirt crunching

Under my feet

relax

Let go

Just breathe. 

(No More Plastic World, by Juliet A. Wright, 

copyright 2019, all rights reserved) 

I wrote “No More Plastic World” largely while walking at Tanglewood. It is one of my favorite places. It is a place where I can go to breathe, relax and be close to nature and music at the same time. 

This song is about my trials in materialistic, traffic-ridden Los Angeles and its skin-deep inhabitants.  In this song my inner child and I choose the simple life, comfortable with just being ourselves. 

I moved to Los Angeles to make it in the music business. When I arrived there, I quickly learned that looks were everything in this town. It was virtually all that mattered. Since I didn’t look that great at the time, this was a problem. I quickly began dying my hair, caking on the make up, where padded bras and skimpy clothes, everything that my band leaders indicated was required for us to draw in customers, get them to buy booze, buy albums, pick up people, whatever. 

They wanted me to be 

A perfect entity 

I tried 

To fit into their mold.

Who in the world are you

Looking back at me

I’m wearing their charms

And you’ve hid your face from me

I am lost

They’ve banished me.

Their hearts are cold

It’s plain to see

Take off their charms

Give back the key

This is not your destiny.

And I never said how I felt. That was banned in my family and banned in LA too. You just pretended to be okay. I tried to fit into their mold, look like they wanted me to look. But it didn’t work and didn’t fit me. And even after  years and years of trying, when I started to look like I thought they wanted me to look, it didn’t make any difference anyway. I was still in the same place I was when I started. 

Meanwhile, my inner child was being squashed by all of this. She was getting sick and tired of it too. Everyone once in a while she would explode in a volcanic rage as if to say “Stop ignoring me.”

And what did I want out of life? Or what did I think I wanted? Love, fame, fortune. I wanted people to love me so I could love myself. I was looking outside of myself for love, satisfaction, approval. Typical co-dependent. So God said, “No more.” 

“Letting go, of all I wanted.

For God took my dreams away.
Eliminating my false prophets.
Now He’s in the lead to stay.”

The focus of my life needs to be on God and what he wants for my life. It’s about what he wants, not what I want. 

The last verse is about a car accident I had on the 405 Freeway. It was the second Saturday in December, one of the biggest party nights of the year. I was on my way to a gig. Coffee in hand, I still managed to fall asleep at the wheel and plow into an old Dodge. Thankfully, the old Dodge and his driver had virtually no damage and he was fine. My new Toyota truck wasn’t so lucky. I felt horrible about it, falling completely into shame. My spouse was not sympathetic at all at the time. I was bad. I was wrong. That is how my inner child and I felt. 

Another mess made in a flash

Guess what I’ve failed again.

I have exposed my sin.

I’m not good enough

To fit his mold 

This is the end

His heart is cold. 

But now, my focus is on God, my Lord by my side and in my heart. My inner child is no longer being ignored and if I forget, she lets me know it. God had to take away my false idols of looks, fame, fortune, a marriage I worshipped, a town I lived in to which I did not belong. 

I thought it was fitting to do this video today as I am recovering from an allergy to eye make up and can’t wear any make up at all for two weeks. If I put my money where my mouth is, I am comfortable about this. I can’t totally say that I feel very vulnerable right now. But here I am. This is me. 

Please check out my website, www.hiddenangel.net where you can purchase my books, Everything is My Fault, Everything is for My Recovery, and my CD’s, Beloved, Fearless Moral Inventory, and my latest CD, which contains this song, No More Plastic World, Acoustic Songs of Recovery and Worship.