The Spiritual Principles as Positive Character Traits – Honest
When I’m engaged in practicing the spiritual principles, I can view them as positive character traits. For example, when I’m practicing honesty, I can say I am an honest person.
Honest
I’m an honest person. This is a positive character trait that I possess. I always try to tell the truth to myself and others. That is where I have to start in life.
One good benefit from working the program of CoDA is that I have become even more honest. I am more honest with myself and with others. I have heard it said in meetings and have read in literature that working the program demands “rigorous honesty” and I agree with that.[1] It is only by being honest with myself that I will recover.
And I am honest with myself. This document is a testament to that. I admit my deficiencies and my freely. For instance, I look in the mirror and admit that I have issues with food. I realize as a result of this that I have to spend time and effort on diet, exercise, and recovery programs to take care of myself. I have to admit that I am a workaholic. Thus I need to remember to program rest and relaxation into my life. I have to admit that I have fear of abandonment and fear of rejection. These defects tend to affect how I relate to others. This is me being honest with myself.
I have become more honest with others as well. However, just because I’m honest doesn’t mean that I should go “shooting my mouth off” all over the place expounding on what I think about things all the time. There are times and places for things. If someone asks my opinion about something, I will tell them. But if they don’t ask, I will work on keeping my mouth closed. I address this issue in my Process Four and also in “Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Rejection” in the situation with my student who was headed for middle school. Keeping my mouth closed is often a good idea.
I can definitely see that one way working program has helped me to be more honest is in my communication with others. Quite specifically, I have become more honest with people who are close to me. This means that when it is appropriate, I will tell the truth about how I feel and what I think about something, even if it’s difficult to do that. For a compliant, conflict-avoidant codependent such as myself, this can be difficult. It’s often easier for me to just go along with what others want, instead of sticking up for myself.
Enter Juliet’s Codependency Pattern:
My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.[2]
Enter Juliet’s Feelings:
They are going to abandon me.
They are going to reject me.[3]
My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection rear their ugly heads when I disagree with someone because I’m afraid they will leave.
Thanks to program I’m learning to speak my truth, even if it means potential conflict or rejection by someone that I love. I will say what I need, what I want, and trust God to help me. There is still a twinge of fear there when I do it, but slowly it’s getting better. I remind myself to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
I strive to be honest in all matters in my life. I like that about myself.
[1] Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book, 4th ed. New York, NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2001, p. 58.
[2] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.
[3] Ibid.
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