RECOVERY AND THE INNER CHILD

Introduction to Recovery and the Inner Child

Inner child work is an important part of my recovery process. When something happens and it upsets me, one can bet it is because my inner child is uncomfortable. As I noted in my first book Everything Is My Fault, in the sections on Brad, my inner child knew that relationship was not good for her and she wanted to leave. My inner child is wise. I need to connect with her more often.

I will present a visioning process I engage in that helps me connect with my inner children. Along with my inner child, I also have an inner teen and an inner toddler too. The visioning process included in this book involves the inner child and inner teen but not the inner toddler. Right now, I usually only access my inner toddler when I’m swimming. I have more work to do with her.

Visioning and the Inner Children

I do visioning with my inner children. What this basically means is that I sit down and have meetings in my mind with each of them. This allows me to connect with them, which helps me understand my inner children better. This also helps me understand my feelings and behavior patterns. The process I use is as follows:

1. I pick up my Inner Child Notebook and a pen. My Inner Child Notebook is really just a journal that I use exclusively for my inner child work.
2. I go to the place in my home that I have designated for getting in touch with my inner child.
3. I light a candle.
4. I close my eyes, and wait for a child to appear.
5. I observe what she is doing.
6. I put myself in the picture with the child.
7. Based on what she is doing and how she is feeling, I start talking to her.
   1. I may ask how she is, how she is feeling, what she needs, what she would like to do, what she is sad about, happy about, etc.
8. We talk and work out what she needs and how I can give that to her.
9. I am very supportive of her now. 
10. I listen to her.
11. I love her.
12. I journal about what we talked about in my Inner Child Notebook.

Sometimes I let her write to me using my non-dominant hand.

I follow this same process with my inner teenager.

When I don’t spend enough time with my inner child, it shows. She gets upset about certain situations in my life.

My inner child knows how she feels about things. She has a temper, is really sensitive, easily hurt, wants to please, and wants people to like her. She also wants her way a lot of the time and has tantrums when she doesn’t get it. Typical kid, I guess. That is why she does what she does.

For example, I spoke in “Recovery in Friendships” about the

incident with my friend Doris and the phone call gone bad. During that interaction on the phone, my inner child was trying very, very hard to be perfect, right, lovable, and supportive. She wanted her friend to love her back. She was trying to be authentic. When her friend criticized her, my inner child felt like she got slapped in the face. She was hurt, then mad, then hurt again. She goes around in circles with it, like a dog chasing her tail.

I myself was feeling very threatened. My heart was racing and I was panicking.

Throughout the period of this incident, I went inside and spent time with my inner child. I gave her hugs. I also went swimming with her, the inner teen and the inner toddler at the YMCA and let them splash around in the water. They love to kick and use the paddle board and fins. They love the sound of the water splashing against the paddle board.