Signs of Forgiveness
My parents were really into antiques. They decorated their house with antiques, and were always looking to add to their collection. It was a passion that they shared together. Part of this collection consisted of some Delft china of my mothers that used to sit in the corner cupboard of our kitchen. I used to see it there as a child but don’t ever remember looking closely at it or seeing the pictures that were on it or anything. It was just there staring at me from a distance along with the cigarettes left on the saucer by mistake and the Stoli’s that was in the teacup in the corner.
Through the course of my tumultuous childhood resentments built up inside of me. I suffered neglect at the hands of my mother, who was rarely there for me emotionally or spiritually. I had a lot of anger towards her for drinking and blamed her for almost everything. My father was in his power hungry mode and had a desire for control, money and women, and that really turned me off. So, I decided that I wanted to run away from all of that and not participate in it. I didn’t want to have any part of it. I took pride in the fact that I didn’t want anything from them, not their money, value system, social life, antiques or memories.
But, through the course of time, experience, recovery and taste, I’ve grown to really like antiques and country style and in fact, I did like some of my mother’s things. So when she moved I got some of her copper and when she passed away I decided I would like her Delft. Still, it sat in her storage unit for a really long time.
I remember her saying when she moved to California that she wanted to keep her Delft but didn’t want to get it out because it was just too sad. I couldn’t understand that. It is just china. What’s the big deal, I thought. Maybe it reminded her of something, but I didn’t know. More blame. What’s the matter with her? She wanted to keep it but didn’t want to look at it, it was just too sad. Whatever.
So eventually I did have the Delft shipped from California to my home in Vermont. I took it out and set it up and looked at it. It has ships on it. Then it hit me. Oh my Gosh that is the reason it was so sad for her.
My father grew up as a sailor on lake Michigan. Sailing was his thing. After my folks got married they would sail together. They would compete in sail boat races; have friends on the boat to party. The five-o-clock-cocktail-hour crowd spent many hours on the decks of that boat. It was like a status thing for her. I really don’t think she was that fond of sailing, I think it kind of scared her. But she did it to make him happy and to be with him. She was fond of the status and how it made her appear to other people. That represented them, that boat. So I thought, Oh, that’s it. Mom was a hopeless romantic. That kingdom, that God of my father had failed her. That is why it was so sad because she realized that he wasn’t true to her and romance had died. Then he died. Poor Mom, I thought. I wouldn’t want to get up and look at those memories everyday either. That would be like me hanging pictures in the cabin of Alex and I snuggling at the movies and having to get up everyday with them staring me in the face. That would be enough to make me go back to bed and pull the covers over my head for the day. I get it.
So Mom was a hopeless romantic. How about it?
This is all a sign of forgiveness that I can look with compassion on her and say, poor Mom, I understand. Her world was collapsing and she reacted to it by self-medicating. She just couldn’t stand it. I have empathy for her.
These are signs of recovery for me. These are signs of forgiveness.
So the Delft sits on my kitchen shelves. I bought those fancy plate hangers that make the plates stand up so you can see them clearly. The ships keep my kitchen afloat on the ocean of faith and hope. Every time I look at these dishes I think of her, and I think of him.
I have pictures of them as young people sitting on my piano. They were just starting out. They had their whole lives before them and the whole world by the tail. Beautiful, beautiful people trying to make it before everything got messy. It was their best moment. Now I hold these pictures of them in my mind. This is how I remember them. This is forgiveness. It is recovery. I am grateful.
I said to myself, I can almost hear you reading this aloud. Then I thought why not? Would you consider doing these as podcasts? I think they would be very helpful to many people.
Hi John,
That is an interesting idea. Thank you for suggesting it. I will consider it. Hope you and Alice are well.
In the Light,
Juliet
It is forgiveness. We never forget we just learn to let go of the pain, the tragedy and the hurt and live fully in our truth, in our moments!
Thank you Laura, very well said. Gratitude and working my spiritual program have worked well for me too. We do experience the hurt, deal with it and let it go.
In the Light,
Juliet
Thank you Laura, I appreciate that. I know life is all about moments, not just all or nothing. I think I am learning that at least. This moment is all we have.
In the Light,
Juliet
Yes, I think you can forgive and chosoe a life away from them. The whole purpose of forgiveness is to be able to let go of that negative space in order to give yourself permission to move forward to a positive space. The same thing goes you can love someone but that doesn’t mean you have to like them or what they chosoe to do in life.’