One fatal mistake

A fatal mistake will finish me,

Like Eve’s tragic fall

And people will finally find out

What’s really behind my wall.

(All These Fears, from Fearless Moral Inventory,

by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2011, all rights reserved.)

I went to visit my sister and her beau on Martha’s Vineyard over the summer. They had rented a pleasant cottage and invited me down for few days. We had a wonderful time walking through Vineyard Haven, visiting the beach, swimming, running, and picnicking while we watched the sunset. This beautiful serene island was the perfect place to decompress before starting back to school in late August.

The day of my departure we headed over to Chappaquiddick so that I could see it before I headed back to Vermont.  My sister had composed a really funny rhyme about the ferry that transports people from Edgartown to Chappaquiddick.  It goes something like this:

If you want to take a nappy on the ferry to Chappy,

you’d better make it snappy or you won’t be happy!

(by Elizabeth H.Wright, copyright 2012, all rights reserved)

When we drove our car up to the docks to wait in line for the ferry, I could see why the nappy had to be snappy.  What a cute, tiny ferry! It only transports 3 cars the short distance of 300 yards from dock to dock. The ferry is a fun ride and I highly recommend it.

Our first stop on “Chappy” was Dike Bridge, the site of the Ted Kennedy Incident, which occurred on July 18, 1969.   I was told the story of the incident as we stood on the bridge staring down into the murky water below.  I immediately became intrigued about the accident, the details of what happened and why.  Thus, upon my return to Vermont, I hopped on Amazon and ordered a couple of used books on the subject and began my research.

This is my typical human fascination with tragedy, shock and disgust showing through. Why are we like that?  Why do we wait with anticipation to be grossed out?  I don’t know, but I do. It reminds me of all of the countless hours I have spent on the freeways of Los Angeles, completely stuck in rage-inducing traffic, waiting to see the blood, guts and gore that caused me to wait two hours to go three miles.  Somehow that moment of “oh my gosh, that’s awful,” justifies the birth of the screaming out of control maniac I become when I can’t go more than five miles an hour in my car.

Anyway, back to Chappaquiddick.  So, according to research I’ve done, Kennedy was driving to the ferry with Mary Jo Kopechne in the car, when he made a wrong turn and ended up on Dike Road instead of Main Street. His car went off the bridge and turned over. Somehow he got out of the car, but he couldn’t get her out, even though he claims to have tried repeatedly.  Instead of immediately contacting the authorities for help, he chose to go back to where his friends were and ask them for help.  They went and tried to get her out too, but couldn’t.  They told him to report the accident.  The accident, however, did not end up getting reported until 10 ours later.

Kennedy stated that he could not explain his actions at all, except to say that he was in a state of shock.  God rest his soul, but he must have been in shock.  Because if I put myself in that situation, I can’t imagine doing anything less than running down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs for help, finding the first person I see and saying, “Please call for help, there is someone trapped, please help me!” It would be automatic for me.  I can’t imagine handling it any other way.  Kennedy had his political career at stake.  He had also lost two brothers in the past six years.  That’s no excuse.  What’s right is what is right. He made a mistake here.

The point is, however, that sometimes our mistakes end up being our saving grace.  This accident marred his reputation and probably cost him the presidency. It also probably saved his life. He probably would have been assassinated just like his brothers.  God gives us what we need, not what we want. I’m sorry for Mary Jo and her family. It was an awful, tragic accident that was poorly handled.

I have always thought that I would make one fatal mistake that would ruin my whole life, just like my lyrics above suggest.  I thought that mistake was losing the love of my life. It was all my fault. Then I thought I made another mistake by getting involved with Brad, my next and last serious relationship. That dysfunctional union nearly destroyed me. (Also all my fault.)  It also led me into recovery from codependency.  This recovery has saved my life in many ways and I am grateful for it.  I have grown as a person and feel like I am doing God’s will by working my codependency program and reaching out to those who also suffer from the disease.  My lost marriage and dysfunctional union with Brad might have been necessary steps towards my recovery.

Nothing happens in this world by accident. It is all part God’s plan. I wonder if Ted realizes that where he is now. I wonder if he is looking down from where he is and it all makes sense.  I wonder if he is sitting there wishing he could take it all back and do it differently.  I’ve been there too.  But I believe, for me, I’m in a better place now.  I hope he is too.