Center of the Universe Complex
Sometimes I think I am the center of the universe. It’s one of my defects of character. Since everything is my fault, that means I’m responsible for everyone’s feelings. This means that the world is on my shoulders and everyone everywhere is thinking about me all the time. If I mess up even once and do the wrong thing, everyone everywhere will know and they will all abandon me forever. I will be alone, homeless, loveless, destitute, worthless, and in pain. These are the lies that my disease tells me.
The world does not revolve around me and people are not always thinking about
me all the time. They are all thinking
about what they are going to do next. My
aunt told me that and she’s right. It’s
about them, not me. Even if it sounds like it’s about me, it’s
about them.
Here’s an example of this defect in action. I spoke to the plumber yesterday about doing some work at my house. He told me how much it was and I told him I’d think about it. It was so hard for me not to answer him right away. Afterwards, I was thinking, He doesn’t think I like him. Now he’s bummed he won’t get the job. I’ve made him sad. He called me back so it was my obligation to say yes right away. Now he’ll starve to death and it’s all my fault.
Stop! First of all, he’s a very busy plumber. Second of all, he’s not even giving it a second thought. He’s on to the next thing. I am not the center of the universe.
Here’s another one. My best friend sent me an email saying to give her buzz sometime to chat. She gave me her schedule. So she’s sitting there wondering why I haven’t called, right? She’s waiting by the phone.
Stop! She’s busy with her life.
I think this about my good friends a lot. Like, if I don’t get an email back from one of them right away, I think they’re mad at me. The truth is the person is busy doing what they do. It’s not about me.
Here’s another example. My administrator is not giving me the information I need and I’ve asked a couple times. School is getting ready to start and I can’t do what I need to do because she hasn’t given me the answers I need. Why won’t she answer me? Why won’t she be proactive and make some decisions? How can she leave me hanging?
Stop! I am not the center of the universe. She has a million other things on her mind that are more important to her than the strings teacher. She has test scores to think about. If I keep emailing her and asking, I will just irritate her. I guess I probably won’t be getting the answers I need. I’ll just have to figure it out on my own. Sigh.
I also drive myself crazy thinking about something I may have said to a student about their violin playing. They are home crying. They hate me. I’ve ruined their life.
Stop! They probably stopped thinking about me the minute they left violin class!!
People are involved in their own stuff. They are thinking about themselves, not me. I’m not the center of the universe. Will I ever get this through my thick head?
Wright, Juliet. Everything is My Fault: One Woman’s Journey through Co-Dependency. Pownal, VT: Hidden Angel Publishing 2012, p. 239
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