Step 5

Step 5

5.  Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.[1]

The only thing harder than doing my inventory in Step 4 was reading what I had written, admitting it to myself that I wasn’t perfect, that I made mistakes, that I was human.  Then I had to admit it to God.  If that wasn’t enough, I had to read it to my sponsor.  I had to read her those awful things, like masturbation.  I hate that. I hate that word.  I hate even thinking about it.  I had to read it to her. 

So I did.  I have read her several incarnations of two different inventories of my deepest darkest secrets, screw-ups, defects, and imperfections.  Never once has she exhibited any disgust, shock, or judgment. She has never hung up on me.  She has never told me I was going to hell.  She just listened.  She still loved me when it was over.I burned my first inventory.   My second inventory was the basis for this book[.  I still have it.  I printed it out on pretty purple paper.  My therapist says I should burn it.

Breathe in and out. It’s okay. I lived through it. I’m okay. I’m still an okay person. I’m still lovable.

[1] Ibid.