Step 6

S

6.  Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.[1]

I looked at all of my behaviors in my inventory. I made a specific list of my defects of character. I have 86 to date. I included everything on there from obsessiveness, fear of abandonment, compulsiveness, lust, perfectionism, and staying up too late during the week. I looked at the reasons behind those behaviors and discovered that most of the time these were survival methods I developed during my tumultuous childhood.

For example, obsessing about my father’s moods and what might keep him from exploding served a purpose in my life. When I was successful, there was peace. Any peace we could come by in our house was welcomed. 

If I could clean the kitchen just so and be perfect, quiet, not exist during the bad years of my marriage, then there might be peace, maybe even a hug. 

But now this obsessiveness was getting in the way of my happiness.  It didn’t serve a purpose.  It was making me sick and wasn’t accomplishing any objectives.  Obsessing about why Brad wasn’t calling me did not make him call me.  Obsessing about that darned missing violin did not make it reappear. All it did was make me sick.

Stuffing my feelings down with food numbed me out for a while, but the fix was only temporary. Plus, it made me fat and miserable. It doesn’t serve me to tie my self-worth up in how much I weigh.

It doesn’t serve me to tie my self-worth up in how much I accomplish.

Perfectionism made me miserable too because being perfect is impossible. 

Staying up too late during the week is pointless. All it does is make me tired and cranky. 

I realized that my behaviors were more of a health hazard than help.  I decided to try to build in new habits that worked better for me.

That leads me to Step 7.

[1] Ibid.