08 Jul 2025
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Mom and Food

Out they come

My worms

They’re here

Blame, obsession,

Self-hate and fear

It’s time to weed this wormwood

From my fruitful brain

(Midgard, from Fearless Moral Inventory, by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2011, all rights reserved.)

Mom knew how to push my buttons, especially when it came to my weight and eating habits. When I was a teenager, she would often pick at me for being fat and then give me a big bowl of coffee ice-cream, urging me to devour it. 

“Have another bowl of ice cream, Fats.”

It was hurtful and mean. She would complain repeatedly about my weight, my acne, my temper, my weakness, or some other defect of mine until I would wig out. She knew how to get to me. I felt like she really enjoyed this whole process, which made me sad.  

During my whole life, she seemed to be obsessed with everything that I ate. I felt that she was watching me like a hawk. Yet she was the one pushing the food at me. I’m lucky I’m not schizophrenic.

One evening we went to the Los Altos Farmers Market and my sister’s boyfriend Zeb brought over a quesadilla for us all to try. I had just finished my potato, but wanted to try a bite. So I did.

“Juliet!” Mom snapped at me.

I felt my whole being sink into the depths of despair. I snapped back at her. Zeb said he thought I was misjudging the situation. So then I started shaming myself, not only for being fat and eating too much, but also for misjudging the situation and making my mother feel bad. Because, after all, I felt responsible for her feelings. 

Wrong words fall

Like rain in summer

Sad eyes pierce my skin

My flower turns upon itself

Puts me in this fix I’m in

Nary is a petal left

Beauty destroyed by blame

In prison I have placed myself

Built with bricks of shame

Then I embrace my anguish

It fits me like a glove

(My Sinking Ship, from Fearless Moral Inventory, by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved.)

The rest of the night I was in a severe codependent crazies shame spiral. I had completely sunk and couldn’t save myself.

Mom asked me, “What’s the matter with you?”


“Severe self-loathing,” I told her.

“So what do you do in that case, call your shrink?” she asked.

“I guess,” I muttered.

Somehow I got myself to give Zeb a guitar lesson. That helped get me through the night.  Thanks Zeb.

Later my therapist would tell me that it was Mom’s problem; that she was obsessed with my food and I should have told her to back off. 

I got picked on for eating too much. I got picked on for eating too little. I got picked on for being too fat. I got picked on for being too thin.

Why couldn’t she just love me for who I am?

Juliet’s Codependency Patterns Present In My Relationship With Mom and Food

Your moods and actions are my fault.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m good.

Your customs and thoughts are always right. I’m always wrong. 

I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you.  Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

[1] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.

Juliet’s Feelings[1][RKQ1] 

This is all my fault, I did something wrong.

They are right, I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I’m bad and now everyone knows it.  I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone

I’m not good enough to be here.

I am so grateful to be in recovery. Now I know that my weight and appearance don’t determine my worth. I also know that what other people think of me is none of my business. It is about them, not me. I can give their opinions back to them where they belong. 

[1] Ibid.

07 Jul 2025
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My Relationship with Mom

Are you tired of feeling sad, my friend?

Another night alone again?

Pray to Dionysus tonight.

(A New Reality, from Beloved, by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2003, all rights reserved.)

One of the scariest experiences I have is looking in the mirror and seeing my mother’s reflection staring back at me. I panic; my heart races. Breathe in and out. Did I become her? How did that happen?

What scares me about this reflection? I fear I have become the things in her that I tried to fix. This includes compulsiveness with and addiction to alcohol, food, relationships, and very nearly medication. I fear my life will echo her separation from God. I strive every day to avoid this.

What are the good parts of the reflection in the mirror? I did get my inner strength from her. I did get my stamina from her. I got my musical abilities from her. I didn’t inherit her dancing talent. Oh, well.

There were times that she was really there for me. For example, she is the one who talked Dad into letting me go to both the Interlochen Arts Academy and the music department at the University of Miami. She is the one who bawled out one of my riding instructors when she didn’t support me during a western seat class. She is the one who was caring and supportive after Dad reamed me out about being fat in a restaurant that was full of people. She helped me write a naughty card to a potential boyfriend once. (It really wasn’t that naughty … just a little suggestive. Okay, it was pretty suggestive. It was her idea.)

In more recent times, she helped me buy my laptop and music notation and recording software so I could record and write the notation for my music. I really appreciate that.

She bought me clothes for my teaching job every year. I think she was proud of the fact that I went back to school and got a credential and a master’s degree in music education. I built a career that allows me to support myself.

Ever since I got my divorce, Mom would tell me that she was proud of me and that she admired my guts. That felt really good. I think she was proud of the way I lived through that painful time in my life. Instead of sinking into depression and substance abuse, I moved on and built a new life.

I do feel that she kept me at arm’s length for most of my life. She didn’t really want me to know who she was and she didn’t seem to want to know who I was either. She didn’t want to know the real, emotional, vulnerable, incredibly honest, heart-on-her-sleeve, 12-stepper Juliet. She’d rather just make small talk, or talk about my teaching job, or watch a movie. I felt that there was something missing in our relationship. I feel sadness and regret about this.

Every time I called Mom to see how she was, she would always say, “I’m fine.”  I think even if she was falling off a cliff, she would still say she was fine. Now that reminds me of myself. I’m like that. My song Let the Child Speak, from Fearless Moral Inventory, has a lyric about that very trait.

Is she falling off a cliff?

She tries so hard to act as if she’s fine.

She never really wanted to hear about my sadness, struggles, or weaknesses. I was supposed to be her big strong girl and never show any emotions. She showed absolutely no interest in my 12-step work or my book. She did make an effort to support my musical endeavors by coming to see me play and by buying me that software. 

Eventually, I tried to avoid sharing with her the parts of my life for which she was not supportive, like my book and my 12-step work.

“Who told you to write this book?” she asked me once. Ouch. Like I have absolutely no initiative of my own whatsoever, right? 

When she needled me about something, like my weight, my worrying, or how I’m handling my music career the wrong way, my custom was to take it in as blame. Later, I told myself that this was about her, not me. I am not responsible for her feelings, even if it seems like I am. My belief that I am responsible for her is just an old habit. I can build in a new one. I can let go. 

Albert Einstein said, “Taking the same action time after time and expecting different results is insane!” So I tried to avoid discussing certain subjects and found my support at CoDA meetings, with my sponsor and program friends. Sometimes I did slip and talk about it with Mom. My recovery from codependency is so much a part of my life that I tend to talk about it a lot, especially with people who are close to me. But I’m trying to learn different behaviors, ones that may serve me better.

Mom said that she thought my music could be an outlet for me in my life. She was right. In that way she was supportive. But I don’t think she ever really listened to my lyrics or tried to understand what they were trying to say. She either wasn’t interested or didn’t care enough for my style of music to listen to it.

Juliet’s Codependency Patterns Present In My Relationship With Mom 

I am not conscious of my own moods, I am conscious of your moods.

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

Your moods and actions are my fault.

If you hurt, I hurt; I think I have to fix you.

It’s difficult for me to recognize my moods or articulate them.

I am inclined to diminish, change, or refute my moods.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m good.

I don’t know what I need, I focus on what you need.

Your customs and thoughts are always right. I’m always wrong. 

I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll do or be whatever you say.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll feel however you want me to feel.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you.  Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

[1] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.

This is all my fault, I did something wrong.

They are right, I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I’m bad and now everyone knows it.  I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone

I am only worth what I accomplish.

I’m not good enough to be here.

Thank heavens I am in recovery and am learning to replace these old behaviors and feelings patterns with ones that serve me better. I am also no longer in a direct relationship with an alcoholic caregiver, which really helps. 

[1] Ibid.

04 Jul 2025
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Mom’s Drinking 

When  I look into your eyes

There’s just emptiness inside

Half-seas-over one more time

There’s no turning back

There’s nothing left for me

Are you falling on the floor again?

Wishing he were home again

You know I feel the same my friend

I think it’s time for this to end

I guess it’s me and Jack  again

Tonight

(A New Reality, from Beloved, by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2003, all rights reserved.)

My mother was an alcoholic. She drank heavily as I was growing up and spent the larger part of 40 years going in and out of recovery.

Her drinking started when my father got disbarred due to a conflict of interest scandal in his law practice. I was six going on seven at the time. Mom had to testify and stand by his side in a very public trial. She had been abusing barbiturates and that abuse escalated at that time also. 

It’s not easy living with someone who has the disease of alcoholism. The way the disease works, the whole family has it, so everyone ends up feeding each other the same garbage over and over in different ways. No one gets better until someone gets into treatment. And getting someone into treatment is difficult, especially if they don’t want to go. And if they don’t want to go, don’t send them because it’s not going to work. This was the 70s and I didn’t know about Al-Anon and CoDA wasn’t around yet. And if you think you could ever get my dad to go to one of those groups, forget it.


My mother’s disease was severe. When Mom was drinking, she had to have alcohol in her system all the time or she started going through withdrawal. As a result, when she was using, there was booze hidden all over the house. You could find it in the cupboards, behind the canned goods, under the butcher’s block, in the orange juice, in the corner of every closet, in the flowerbed, under the bathroom sink, in the bathroom cabinets, in her purse in a flask, and in the car in the cubby. 

She definitely used to drink and drive. Mom drove drunk all the time with us in the car, with a toddy in the cubby and never got caught. You could drive drunk forever in Vermont and not get caught in the 70s. Or maybe it was just my mother who never got caught. She had an angel on her shoulder. My sponsor told me most alcoholics do.

She dried out several times before finally committing to sobriety. The last time she dried out was in February of 2005. She remained in recovery until October 30, 2010, when she unfortunately relapsed. I was sad, but tried to detach.

For most of my life, I thought that Mom’s drinking was my fault. If I was perfect, she wouldn’t drink.

Here is a list of Juliet’s Codependency Patterns[1] that tend to raise their heads in relationship to my mothers drinking:

I am not conscious of my own moods, I am conscious of your moods.

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

Your moods and actions are my fault.

If you hurt, I hurt; I think I have to fix you.

It’s difficult for me to recognize my moods or articulate them.

I am inclined to diminish, change, or refute my moods.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m good.

I don’t know what I need, I focus on what you need.

Your customs and thoughts are always right. I’m always wrong. 

I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll do or be whatever you say.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll feel however you want me to feel.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you.  Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

[1] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.

Here is a list of Juliet’s Feelings[1] that tend to raise their heads in relationship to my mothers drinking:

This is all my fault, I did something wrong.

They are right, I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I’m bad and now everyone knows it.  I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone

I am only worth what I accomplish.

I’m not good enough to be here.

Thank heavens I am in recovery and am learning to replace these old behaviors and feelings patterns with ones that serve me better.

[1] Ibid.

30 Jun 2025
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Mom

My mother was one of the strongest people I knew.  She died 14 years ago come April. I can only hope to be as strong as she was someday. I trust that she is looking down on me from heaven, sending me some of her strength because I sure need it. Despite everything she had been through, which was a lot, she still got up every day, put her makeup on, and did what she could to fulfill her dreams. I admire that. She was one of the most loving, giving, caring, sensitive, compassionate, creative, and talented people I have ever met.

She could also be one of the most cunning, manipulative, critical, judgmental, and dishonest people I ever knew. Mom would put her acting talents to work and pull the wool over people’s eyes on a regular basis. She could talk anyone into and make anyone believe anything.


It is only after going through some of the most painful emotional experiences and lessons of recent times that I can even begin to fathom the horrible garbage she went through. But she still kept going. We didn’t see eye to eye on that much stuff. But I sure admired her stamina and strength of spirit.

As I look back now on our history together, I believe that she did the best she could to be a good mother to me. That was the most she could give and she gave it. 

My relationship with my mother is one of the primary relationships that brought me to Codependents Anonymous (CoDA).

Juliet’s Codependency Patterns[1] Present With Mom

I am not conscious of my own moods, I am conscious of your moods.

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

Your moods and actions are my fault.

If you hurt, I hurt; I think I have to fix you.

It’s difficult for me to recognize my moods or articulate them.

I am inclined to diminish, change, or refute my moods.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m good.

I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you.  Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

[1] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.

Juliet’s Feelings Patterns Present With Mom

This is all my fault, I did something wrong.

They are right, I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I’m bad and now everyone knows it.  I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone

I am only worth what I accomplish.

I’m not good enough to be here.

It would take many years of program work to undo these codependency and feelings patterns. 

[1] Ibid.

27 Jun 2025
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Early Memories of a Ham

I started my music career in the first grade when I got a solo in the Christmas show at Stockbridge Central School. I don’t remember what I sang. I think I was always a ham though.

When my sister and I had our first dance recital, I saw Dad in the audience, so I stopped and said, “Hi Daddy,” and waved to him. Everyone laughed.

I used to play Karen Carpenter songs on my guitar for my seventh-grade friends and I think they liked it. 

I was the Artful Dodger in the musical Oliver Twist eighth grade and did well in the role. I never missed a line.

I played “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner to Greg Carpenter, my first guitar teacher, but was too shy to sing.

By the time I got to the Arts Academy, the private music high school I attended, I would develop stage fright to such an extent that I could barely play.

These were my earliest memories of codependent behaviors.

Juliet’s codependency patterns:

I am not conscious of my own moods. I am conscious of your moods.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m god.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you. Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

Juliet’s Feelings:

This is all my fault. I did something wrong.

They are right. I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I am bad and now everyone knows it.


I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone.


I am only worth what I accomplish.


I’m not good enough to be here.

15 Feb 2025
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Grandpa Roman

Darlin’, won’t you come over here And sit on my lap?
I need some cheering up .
Let your skirt slip up,
Your mamma will never know . Don’t tell anyone .

(Don’t Tell Anyone, from Fearless Moral Inventory,
by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved.)

I dread the dream, You know it’s you . On the kitchen counter, What you shouldn’t do . Your curiosity
Got the best of me .
I know it wasn’t right Your little fantasy .

(Dread the Dream, from Fearless Moral Inventory,
by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 2010, all rights reserved.)

I was doing some inner-child work and uncovered a memory I had buried from long ago. This memory involved my maternal grandfather, Grandpa Roman. While visiting our farm one summer, he was down in the kitchen cooking.

I had, in my typical fashion, gotten up before anyone else so I could sneak downstairs and eat brown sugar right out of the box. When I arrived downstairs, Grandpa was already down there cooking. I remember being with him for a few minutes and then feeling really sad. He asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t express to him what was wrong, I just cried. I don’t remember what else happened then except that I felt unsafe around him.

Many years later, I spoke with a woman who acted as a governess to my sister and me in the summer and on the weekends. She said that Grandpa Roman was inappropriate with her. He would make suggestive comments and hold her in ways that made her feel uncomfortable. She never said aword about it to anyone. I didn’t either. Don’t tell anyone.

21 Jan 2025
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My Earliest Memories

I have a few early memories that I believe foreshadowed my Codependency.

One of these memories took place at a ski area daycare center. I must have been too young to ski, probably around the age of three or four. As I recall, I did something that called for attention from the daycare workers, and they yelled at me severely for it. I was crying hard. I thought, I’m a bad person because I did this . I still have residual effects of this treatment to this day.

I have another memory of my sister, Alice, and me playing in the downstairs hallway on a Sunday afternoon. We had little plastic horses and dolls we were playing with. One of the dolls was named Little Linda. Alice said that Little Linda was going away for a while. The fact that Linda was leaving made me feel really sad. As I look back on it now, Linda represented my sister Alice somehow. This was the first time I was fearful of being abandoned and rejected by my sister.

I remember crying when my first grade teacher, Mrs. Powell, moved me into the second-grade reading group. I had been separated from my peers, which, to me, meant I had done something wrong and was being punished. I felt very sad and didn’t understand what I had done wrong. I cried the whole time I sat there. Mrs. Powell was reading us a story about a girl crying at the breakfast table.

“Annie sat at the breakfast table and her tears landed with a plop in her cereal bowl. Just like Juliet’s,” Mrs. Powell said as I sobbed.

Mrs. Powell was very sweet and would never hurt a fly. I think she probably couldn’t understand why I was so upset. I think subconsciously I was afraid my sister wouldn’t love me anymore if I was as smart as her or at her level in school. So I stayed in first grade.

When I was still in grade school, a lady at a restaurant scolded me and I lied about why. I couldn’t have been more than seven or eight. I was at a salad bar fixing myself a plate. I saw some pickles that looked interesting. I selected one, took a bite, decided I didn’t like it, and put it back in the bucket on the salad bar. A woman saw me perform this angelic transaction.

“Oh, you shouldn’t do that,” she said, shaking her head and frowning at me.

I just happened to have a heaping pile of apple butter on my plate right then. So I went back to the table and told everyone that the lady yelled at me for taking too much apple butter. Fibber! I knew what she was mad at me for. I felt shame about this for a long time. When I did my CoDA 9th Step, I confessed to this little sin. I forgave myself for judging myself for not being perfect.

26 Dec 2024
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IT  REALLY IS TRUE


My jaw dropped as I read the list.  I saw myself in every entry.  I had tears rolling down my face.  I felt my stomach tighten.  It really was all my fault.  I was really sick.  Brad was right.  I was responsible for everything that had gone wrong between us.  Everything everywhere was my fault.  How would I ever recover?

Here is the list I read (presented with further refinements to my own patterns):

Juliet’s Codependency Patterns1

I am not conscious of my own moods, I am conscious of your moods.

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

Your moods and actions are my fault.

If you hurt, I hurt; I think I have to fix you.

It’s difficult for me to recognize my moods or articulate them.

I am inclined to diminish, change, or refute my moods.

If you like me, I like me.

If you think I’m good, I think I’m good.

I ignore and ditch all my other friends as you are the center of my world.

I don’t know what I need, I focus on what you need.

I like to do whatever you like to do. What I like to do isn’t important.

Your customs and thoughts are always right. I’m always wrong. 

I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.

I shower you with favors and pleasures to make you stay.

My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.

I shove my morals under the carpet to be with you.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll do or be whatever you say.

Please don’t get mad at me, I’ll feel however you want me to feel.

I think I have to be perfect and so do you.  Nothing less will do.

I am less than.

The recovery facility that was treating Mom for alcoholism had a family weekend that all family of origin members were encouraged to attend. They sent preparatory materials for me to look over before my arrival.  In the packet was information about Codependency, including the patterns list. 

I read the list sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Hollywood Presbyterian Church waiting for a music teachers meeting to start. I cried when I realized I was reading about myself.  This was me!  Every single trait on the sheet described how I relate to people.  Wow! There was so much wrong with me. 

How I felt about myself in almost every relationship and situation could be summed up by the following list:

Juliet’s Feelings2

This is all my fault, I did something wrong.

They are right, I am wrong.

They are going to abandon me.

They are going to reject me.

I don’t deserve good things.

I am less than.

I am ashamed.

I’m bad and now everyone knows it.  I’ll be alone forever.

Different from everyone

I am only worth what I accomplish.

I’m not good enough to be here.

This is my story. 

I am writing down this story in an effort to understand my history.  I need to know and understand where I’ve been so that I can figure out where I am and where I’m going. 

I have decided to look at my codependency as it manifests itself in my relationships with my family of origin, school friends and acquaintances, close friends, romantic partners and within social situations.   Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.

I began to write this book in an effort to get all of my recovery and therapy notes in one place so I could refer to it when it’s needed.  Therefore, in addition to the relationship material discussed above, this document also includes information about my defects of character as well as my program of recovery. 

All of the techniques, exercises, processes and literature contained herein are all part of my program that is helping me heal.  My hope is that others reading this will gain insights from it about their own recovery. 
 

My name is Juliet and I am a codependent.

  1. Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.
  2. Ibid.

 

14 Dec 2024
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It’s All About God

God is still the focus of my life. I am living to do His will. It’s all about living to give Him glory and do what He wants me to do with my life.

I still practice acceptance that everything is happening as God intended it to happen. God is in control and he is everywhere. He is with me in Quaker Meeting, CoDA meetings, at my YMCA, at my home, in my car, at school, in the woods, and at the beach. I am never alone.

I am closer to God than at any other time in my life. He has brought me to this place of recovery. He has led me to write both of my books and do the work in their pages. He has led me to write my music and record my CDs. He has brought me to this wonderful place in my life. God is always with me and I am grateful.

07 Sep 2024
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The Promises and Thoughts on the Promises

The Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous are still a regular part of my recovery program. I try to read them every day. They motivate me to keep going when times get rough, by reminding me that there is light and recovery at the end of the tunnel.

The 12 Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous

I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. As I make an honest effort to work the 12 Steps and follow the 12 Traditions…

1.  I know a new sense of belonging. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.

2.  I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity, and dignity.

3. I know a new freedom.

4.  I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.

5.  I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely loveable, loving, and loved.

6.  I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.

7.  I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships.  The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.

8.  I learn that it is possible for me to mend — to become more loving, intimate, and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.

9.  I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.

10.  I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth. 

11.  I trust the guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to believe in my own capabilities.

12.  I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.[1]

Thoughts on the Promises

I was reading the 12 Promises a short time ago and I had a revelation. While all of the promises are slowly coming true for me in my life, there are a few that stuck out. These are Promises 6, 7, 10, and 11.

6.  I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.[2]

I used to always see myself as less than compared to others. Thanks to working my program that is changing. I am starting to see myself as equal to others.

7.  I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.[3]

I am learning to maintain relationships with people who are trustworthy, honest, and direct. I am learning to avoid having relationships with people who are controlling, indirect, and manipulative. As a result, I communicate better with others, have more self-confidence, and have healthier relationships in my life.

10.  I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.[4] 

I used to determine my self-worth by what others thought of me. I don’t have to do that today. I am learning that I’m a worthy, beloved child of God, just because He loves me. I only have to look to Him to provide my sense of worth and He does. I don’t have to get my self-worth from others.

11.  I trust the guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to believe in my own capabilities.[5]

I am trying to stay in a constant state of prayer. This has me in much closer contact to God than I ever have been. As a result, I am very tuned in to His guidance. I am learning to trust myself when I receive directions from Him and to follow whatever He tells me to do. I have more confidence now in my ability to discern God’s voice and guidance and to follow them.

I am very grateful for the 12 Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous, and I will continue to use them as part of my daily recovery program.

[1] Co-Dependents Anonymous. Co-Dependents Anonymous. Dallas, TX: CODA Resource Publishing, 2009, p. vii.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.