One of the most beneficial lessons I have learned through working my program is that all I have is this moment and I need to cherish that. In the following journal entry, I explore this idea.
It’s Not All or Nothing
I used to be an “all or nothing” black and white thinker. Either it was all bad or all good. I need all of Sunday off or I need this or that or I won’t be happy. Now every moment that I get that is softer and easier is a blessing from God. If I can just take it moment-by-moment and not have it be “all or nothing,” I’ll be doing okay. I’ll be making progress.
Take today for example. I had a great Quaker Meeting for worship and stayed awake through the whole thing. As a result, I had a really good day. Then I had a great session with my sponsor. Good recovery is taking place. Alice called after 8 pm and I still answered the phone. I was kind and sweet and wanted to talk to her. I stared at my Tanglewood picture the whole time and took myself there in my mind. I heard the soft breeze sifting through the trees and felt it on my face, grateful for its cooling effects after a hot day. As if at Tanglewood, I smelled the bug spray that I had applied amply to my body to protect me from vicious bugs. I could hear the Emerson String Quartet playing Mozart’s String Quartet #15 in DMinor. Good stuff. I did good.
What I am learning is that this life is not “all or nothing.” It’s about moments. Every moment that I get that is pain-free, obsession-free, and worry-free, in which I am accepting and going with whatever is happening, is a good one. Every instant that is not catastrophic, heart-pounding, or stuffed with that gut-aching despair and sadness is a gift. Every time I follow up a negative thought with a positive thought is a victory.
Recently, at our annual Quaker Sessions, we were asked to let there be “no more weeping and wailing.” Let’s just truly experience and accept where we are at today. Let us be joyful even with the tensions that exist in our lives because ultimately God listens and we listen.
I need to cherish this moment. It’s all I have. Some moments are joyful, some are very, very sad. Some make my heart race. Some are peaceful. When I’m sitting out on the porch of my Vermont cabin listening to the brook babble below, that is a peaceful moment. That is my own piece of heaven. I will focus on that.
If what it took was my dear brother-in-law getting sick with brain cancer to get me to learn to live in the moment that is pretty sad. But at least I’m getting to the point where I’m not always thinking, “This is what’s going to happen tomorrow and that is happening next week.” That is progress. This moment is good. This moment is fine. I can deal with it.
The future is a loosely knit sweater that could be pulled out at any time. Let’s just live for today. Make loose plans for the future. Just for today I’m going to do this. Just for this moment, I will have God write my book for me. Just for today, I will work on my book first before practicing. Live in the moment. That is the answer.
It’s time to abandon the idea that I have any clue about what the future holds. Holding tightly to any fixed point in space that’s in the future is futile.
I will strive to live in this instant and to bring joy there. I don’t know what the next 5 minutes are going to bring. But I know in this moment I can take in everything that’s happening and find a way to be joyful and thankful to God for it. It’s not “all or nothing” forever; it is this moment and that’s all.
My angel has fallen The serpent is callin’ He’s ready to swallow me whole
~ Third World Station from Beloved
by Juliet A. Wright, copyright 1991, all rights reserved
In my first book, Everything Is My Fault, One Woman’s Journey through Codependency and on my musical recording Fearless Moral Inventory, I address a problem I had in my home with mealy worms. You know those tan little worms that can get into your flour or dog food or whatever. I had tons of them. I had just moved into a log cabin in the woods. Believe me, they were not the only critters to move in.
Anyway, the mealy worms became so numerous that I didn’t know what to do. So I asked the advice of another local person, who said I probably had a mouse’s nest somewhere and I needed to find it and clean it out.
How did I find the nest? I found a suspicious pile of mouse droppings, bird seed and other disgusting, unidentifiable matter in a little pile on my basement floor. I looked up and right above me were all of my bathroom pipes. I had heard that mice travel through the walls around where the pipes are. So I tore out the drywall behind my bathroom sink and, sure enough, behind the bathroom wall there was a mouse’s nest. It was so gross. This nest contained bird seed, dog food (from the last owner I guess, I don’t have a dog), insulation, paper, mouse droppings, mealy worms, and who knows what else. Gross! I cleaned it out and repaired the drywall and paint.
My therapist and I had decided that just about everything I go through in my life should become a song. Thus I began to do research on worms, their meaning, and mythological history. I learned that another word for worm is dragon. Thus came my songs, Midgard (although Midgard is actually the home of the dragon that I refer to in “Replace the Face,” I named my dragon Midgard because I liked the name better[1]) and My Mighty Warrior (The Linton Worm) – (this “worm” was a snake/dragon type creature who lived on Linton Hill and terrorized the area years ago[2]). I also did some artwork around them. I like these songs and often sing them at my concerts.
Very recently I was speaking with my therapist about my inner critic and how he was really hammering on me about some mistakes I had made at a concert. I had not been able to let it go.
She suggested that I give the critic an image, maybe of an animal. Then I remembered the painting I had done a few years back of a dragon swallowing me. At the time I created it, I had decided that the dragon must actually represent my inner critic. She suggested that I ask him what he wants, who gave him his job, and try to make friends with him.
All of a sudden, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I remembered all of the songwriting and artwork that I had done about this dragon. But now I know why the worms were in my life, and what they led me to discover, which is the dragon. Now the dragon’s purpose has been revealed. He is my inner critic. I had portrayed myself as his victim but had not identified him as my critic. I had identified him as my defect of obsessiveness. Having him as my inner critic makes much more sense to me.
My art and music had set the stage for what would happen later in my life. That is, God talking to me. That is Spirit actively working in my life. God was working inside me to fix my relationship with the inner critic. The process was all started with those mealy worms. It developed as I expressed myself through poetry, song, and art. This is so overwhelming to me that I almost stop breathing just thinking about it.
Here are some selections from the lyrics of these two songs Midgard and My Mighty Warrior(The Linton Worm). Some of these lyrics are sprinkled elsewhere in the book:
Midgard
Out they come
My worms
They’re here
Blame, obsession,
Self-hate and fear
It’s time to weed this wormwood
From my fruitful brain
For years
Under your scrutiny
Your mind was wrapped
Around yourself
But Thor is here
And she is crying mutiny
And Midgard shows his face again
I sure don’t see him as my friend
I am surrounded
There is no end
Your help you send
And Midgard follows me again
I must dig deep to reach the end
I am obsessed I must transcend
Again
He’s bearing down but I defend
My digging trains me to transcend
I kiss his face, he is my friend
My soul God mends.
~ From Fearless Moral Inventory by Juliet A. Wright
copyright 2010, all rights reserved
My Mighty Warrior (The Linton Worm) not in TOC
He chases me
Throughout the day and night
Breathing lies
Until I think he’s right.
Why must we endure this test
Can’t it just be laid to rest
And finally
Set us free.
Where are you?
When I need you most?
My mighty warrior
When will you save me
From this wicked worm
That tortures my soul
Bring it under control
In my frail canoe I cross his fire
To find the strength to call him a liar
And follow the song in my heart
Where are you? When I need you most? My mighty warrior
When will you save me
From this wicked worm
That tortures my soul
Bring it under control
~ From Fearless Moral Inventory by Juliet A. Wright
copyright 2008, all rights reserved
My inner critic breathes lies to me all the time, just like the song says. I don’t have to listen to him.
It has really helped me to give my inner critic an image. Writing songs about him has been especially healing. Painting pictures of him has also really helped me to identify him, separate him from myself, and defuse his power. Doing this work has also helped me to increase my awareness of when I move into acting out certain defects of character, such as low self-esteem and obsessiveness. I will continue writing songs and doing art around my defects of character and my inner critic. It’s helping me heal.
In previous parts of this book, I have identified my inner critic as my father and I am not contradicting that. This is another way of looking at the same issue. The inner critic is my father, but giving him the face and persona of the dragon is another way for me to interact with him, perhaps defuse him, make him my friend. That way, I can put his critical spirit to rest like I did through the Replace the Face Panel Series. Obviously this work has many layers to it and takes time. I have done multiple inventories on my dad. I consider the Replace the Face Panel Seriesto be a kind of inventory in a way, as I’m working through personal issues to determine my feelings, actions, and behaviors.
To see the painting of me and my inner critic, visit my website at www.hiddenangel.net.
Things I can do to disarm my inner critic:
Give him an image, such as an animal or creature.
Paint or draw a picture of him.
Write songs about him and how he makes me feel.
Ask him questions, such as “What do you want?” “Who sent you here?” “What is your job?” and “What do you need?”
Tell myself that his words are lies and I don’t have to believe them.
These conversations with the inner critic are new work for me to do. I look forward to doing this work and seeing the results.
There was a time in my life when I was having problems with my friend Doris. During that week, I engaged in a lot of obsessive behavior. It was a very, very painful time for me. So in that time I spent time doing visioning work with my inner child in an effort to heal.I had just received a very upsetting email from Doris. I had an incredible urge to go back to my old habit of engaging the following Juliet’s Codependency Patterns:
I am not conscious of my own moods. I am conscious of your moods.
If you’re happy, I’m happy.
Your moods and actions are my fault.
If you hurt, I hurt; I think I have to fix you.
I am inclined to diminish, change, or refute my moods.
Your customs and thoughts are always right. I’m always wrong.
I am obsessed with making you happy, with saving you.
I shower you with favors and pleasures to make you stay.
My fear of abandonment and fear of rejection determine how I behave.
I shove my morals under the carpet to be with you.
Please don’t get mad at me. I’ll do or be whatever you say.
Please don’t get mad at me. I’ll feel however you want me to feel.
The following Juliet’s Feelings Patterns were also knocking at my door:
This is all my fault. I did something wrong.
They are right. I am wrong.
They are going to abandon me.
They are going to reject me.
I don’t deserve good things.
I am less than.
I am ashamed.
I’m bad and now everyone knows it. I’ll be alone forever.[2]
But thanks be to God, He got me out of that computer chair and sent me upstairs to my altar. I contacted the inner child and the inner teen.
Here’s the conversation I had with my inner child, inner teen, and Christ during this difficult time:
The children are sitting on the curb, swaying back and forth, their heads in their hands. Both the teen and the child are crying.
I stand nearby. I look like a duplicate of the inner teen in this vision.
Teen (now looking down): I’m bad.
Child (looking at me): I’m bad and I hurt her. I’m bad. I need to write back.
Doris barges in. I tell her to leave and close the door after her.
I rub my inner children’s backs.
Me: It’s okay. I love you. I will never leave you.
Doris tries to interrupt again. Once more, I tell her to leave, but she ignores me.
Me: I will not react, I will not react.
Instead, I tell Doris to leave another time. This time she does.
The children and I are hugging and holding each other. Hugging and holding each other some more.
Me: What do you want me to do?
Child: I don’t want to be bad.
Me: You’re not bad.
Child: I hurt her.
Me: You didn’t mean it.
Doris barges in again.
Me: Leave!
The two children have stopped crying and they are looking up at me.
Note that Doris barges into my vision repeatedly. I know now that she represents my father. This probably has little to do with her, although it has been my experience of her that she can behave in aggressive and controlling ways sometimes. For example, crossing my boundaries, by calling later than I like, manipulating situations to achieve desired outcomes, etc. I do not blame or judge her for any of this.
Me to the children: What do you want to do?
Child: Let’s give it to God, have dinner, and go to bed. It’s late.
I ask the teen what she thinks.
Teen: I want to throw up, I feel horrible. This is horrible.
The teen holds her stomach, while rocking back and forth.
Teen: I want respect. Nobody respects me.
Me: I respect you, God respects you. Let’s focus on God.
Teen: I feel like I don’t matter. I don’t count. I don’t count to Doris. You have to make me matter. I don’t matter. I don’t matter. I don’t matter.
Me: Of course, you matter. You matter to me and to God. God loves you just the way you are.
Child: Let’s go home. Let’s give this to God.
The teen stops rocking back and forth and nods her head in agreement.
Me: I agree. Let’s give it to God, eat, and go to bed, okay?
Me: Jesus, please be the center of my life. Please show me what to do.
Jesus to me: Let go Honey, let go. (He is looking into my eyes.) Let go. I’ll tell you what to say when the time is right.
He is kicking his sandal against a post, to remind me of the following bible verse that pertains to this situation:
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.
~ Matthew 10:14 (NIV)
Me: Dear God, I give you my life. Please help, Jesus.
We all hug.
Me: We are a team, right? We are a team, right? Will you get me through tomorrow, Jesus?
Jesus: Yes, my love. Walk by faith, not by sight. Go do your stuff.
As I mentioned, during this vision my friend Doris kept barging in. I would have to put her behind a steel door and kick her out of my vision. She would also barge in on me during regular activities during the day. I would kick her out of the pool, spin class, out of my prayer time. It was an obsession, my obsession, my issue. My feelings are my responsibility and mine alone. Gradually she stopped barging in on us. She went away. The child started to be more comfortable and began focusing on other things. This inner child visioning is very, very helpful for me. My child feels like she is heard, love, respected and safe. I, in turn, am able to love myself more an and engage in more positive, self loving behavior.
[1] Adapted from the Family of Origin packet materials provided by the Sequoia Recovery Center.
Inner child work is an important part of my recovery process. When something happens and it upsets me, one can bet it is because my inner child is uncomfortable. As I noted in my first book Everything Is My Fault, in the sections on Brad, my inner child knew that relationship was not good for her and she wanted to leave. My inner child is wise. I need to connect with her more often.
I will present a visioning process I engage in that helps me connect with my inner children. Along with my inner child, I also have an inner teen and an inner toddler too. The visioning process included in this book involves the inner child and inner teen but not the inner toddler. Right now, I usually only access my inner toddler when I’m swimming. I have more work to do with her.
Visioning and the Inner Children
I do visioning with my inner children. What this basically means is that I sit down and have meetings in my mind with each of them. This allows me to connect with them, which helps me understand my inner children better. This also helps me understand my feelings and behavior patterns. The process I use is as follows:
I pick up my Inner Child Notebook and a pen. My Inner Child Notebook is really just a journal that I use exclusively for my inner child work.
I go to the place in my home that I have designated for getting in touch with my inner child.
I light a candle.
I close my eyes, and wait for a child to appear.
I observe what she is doing.
I put myself in the picture with the child.
Based on what she is doing and how she is feeling, I start talking to her.
I may ask how she is, how she is feeling, what she needs, what she would like to do, what she is sad about, happy about, etc.
We talk and work out what she needs and how I can give that to her.
I am very supportive of her now.
I listen to her.
I love her.
I journal about what we talked about in my Inner Child Notebook.
Sometimes I let her write to me using my non-dominant hand.
I follow this same process with my inner teenager.
When I don’t spend enough time with my inner child, it shows. She gets upset about certain situations in my life.
My inner child knows how she feels about things. She has a temper, is really sensitive, easily hurt, wants to please, and wants people to like her. She also wants her way a lot of the time and has tantrums when she doesn’t get it. Typical kid, I guess. That is why she does what she does.
For example, I spoke in “Recovery in Friendships” about the
incident with my friend Doris and the phone call gone bad. During that interaction on the phone, my inner child was trying very, very hard to be perfect, right, lovable, and supportive. She wanted her friend to love her back. She was trying to be authentic. When her friend criticized her, my inner child felt like she got slapped in the face. She was hurt, then mad, then hurt again. She goes around in circles with it, like a dog chasing her tail.
I myself was feeling very threatened. My heart was racing and I was panicking.
Throughout the period of this incident, I went inside and spent time with my inner child. I gave her hugs. I also went swimming with her, the inner teen and the inner toddler at the YMCA and let them splash around in the water. They love to kick and use the paddle board and fins. They love the sound of the water splashing against the paddle board.
There are harmonic reasons that music is calming for me. I define harmony for my students as two or more notes played at the same time, or more than one note at once.
Even if the whole world is going crazy, I know that when I put on Bach, Haydn, or Handel, the five chord will resolve to the one chord or the six chord.
If I’m listening to jazz musicians, I know that the one six two five progressions (in music language, it would be written as I-vi-ii-V) are common and the blues will always be around. The five chord (V) almost always follows two minor seven half-diminished chords. (If this looks like Greek to you, in music, each note of the scale is given a roman numeral, on which a chord is built. These chords appear in certain progressions, or orders, in different types of music. These chord progressions are often predictable and reliable.)
I can be certain that Bach will always have counterpoint and fugue in his music, and Mozart will never go 12-tone on me. I will never put on Handel’s Messiah and hear a whole tone scale. (12-tone music basically consists of 12 tones picked by the author that always appear in the same order and are manipulated in a variety of ways. The whole tone scale was a six-tone scale heard in late romantic, 20th century, and jazz music.)
Below is a journal entry from summer 2014 when I was attending a concert at Tanglewood’s Ozawa Hall:
I just listened to the Emerson String Quartet play Shostakovich’s String Quartets 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 all in one concert. It was a long concert with two intermissions. What it taught me is that I have to write music about Zeb’s death and my experience in dealing with it. I have to write about my sadness and get it out of me. Shostakovich poured out his life in his music, pouring the sadness of his experiences into his music through sound. That is what I have to keep doing. I did that with Fearless Moral Inventory and I need to keep doing it. I will pour out my life in my book and my music and it will heal me.
I loved the Brahms right away. I heard his String Sextet in Bb major, opus 18 at Tanglewood recently. Why wasn’t everyone on their feet at the end of that performance? Maybe I’m just out of step with the rest of the planet, but I thought that the Brahms sextet was the best thing I’ve heard at Tanglewood this season. I will add his string ensemble music to my CD collection.
I urge you to beef up your listening library with pieces that refresh you spiritually.
I strongly suggest that you learn to play an instrument. Is there an instrument that you always wanted to play but never got the opportunity? Go buy or rent one and start taking lessons. It is a wonderful creative outlet.
Music is a vital part of my life. I can’t imagine living without it. How thankful I am to have ears to hear it, a heart to appreciate it, and a soul that depends on it for nourishment.
I pray that the music I sing and play will glorify God now and forever.
Sometimes we need a distraction to help us forget about our problems. Otherwise, we may just get stuck and obsess about what is bothering us. So every once in a while God places something before us that we totally don’t expect, but have to deal with right in that moment. Whatever this problem is, it cannot be ignored.
I had one such distraction happen in my life very recently. This distraction took my mind away from all of the physical pain I was experiencing. You see, I have had some physical issues recently. For one thing, my left hip disintegrated, so I had a hip replacement. This is a major surgery, requiring 8 – 10 weeks of recovery. I had to take a leave from work and it was a big deal. The pain before the surgery was unbearable. The surgery was a life saver. I felt worlds better afterwards. There was still pain to deal with, which I did, but I was much better.
If this wasn’t enough, the tendonitis in my right shoulder decided to pay me another visit. I had experienced this one year ago at this time. This recent flare up has been very, very painful. I am still in the middle of it actually.I am getting physical therapy and doing a lot of exercises.
Well, Saturday night rolled around and I was in a huge amount of pain. It was not quite time to take my ibuprofen again and I had already had Tylenol. Still, I persevered and did what was in front of me. One of these jobs was to turn down the bed.
I can’t stand it, I thought. I can’t stand this pain. I am having a hard time focusing on anything else.
Well, apparently God and the universe heard me, because as I was getting ready to move the pillows, I thought I saw something moving.
“Oh it’s just the way the light is hitting that card on the wall,” I thought.
Then it happened again. Something was moving in my house. Pretty soon, there was the culprit – a small mouse on my pillow. Gross! What is he/she/they doing there? On my pillow? Seriously?
It is no secret that my log cabin is a favorite habitat for critters. I have had my issues with mice, carpenter ants, carpenter bees, mealy worms, wasps, you name it. I have an exterminator on retainer. So one would think I would be fairly used to it by now and that things would be under control. I have become tolerant, but this really took the cake.
So my furry little friend just kind of stood there for a moment, on my pillow, trying to figure out what to do. I yelled at him, which did no good whatsoever. Maybe he was deaf?
Then he started roaming. He ran under the piano, and then, to my disgust, into the kitchen. I was totally grossed out. So I plugged in my buzzer thing that is supposed to keep mice away. I also put out a trap on the kitchen floor. He/She/They were not interested in that either.
“Are you kidding me? Why do I have to deal with this?” I said out loud to God. “Don’t I have enough going on with this unbearable pain and trying to live my life?”
Silence.
Meanwhile, the mouse keeps roaming, running and stopping, not very interested in me.
Well, I gathered my courage, took a deep breath, told God and the universe how grossed out I was, grabbed the mouse in a rag, and put him outside. Good for me, I thought. Gross. Totally grossed out.
Well, not even 30 seconds later, there he is, looking at me again. So either I missed him the first time, or there were two of them, Mr. and Mrs. perhaps.
Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding!
I let him run around some more.
I can’t have this, I thought. This creature can’t stay in my living space like this. If he was in the basement, at least I wouldn’t have to look at him. I could pretend he didn’t exist. But here in my space, no. Not acceptable. I have to solve this problem.
So, once again, I grabbed the rag and, after some chasing, caught the mouse and put him outside. This time I saw him after I let him out of the rag.
“You live out there, not in here!” I yelled at the mouse, as if he understood me or cared.
Then I closed the door and, after expressing how grossed out I still was, heaved a huge sigh of relief. I hope that is all of them. I hope I am alone. Deep breath.
My heart was pounding as I put the dishes away. I kept breathing deeply, trying to relax. A little while later it dawned on me. I had not thought about my pain for the whole time I was dealing with the mouse. What a miracle! So perhaps God put that mouse there to help distract me from my throbbing shoulder.
I moved from frustration and panic, to acceptance and gratitude. The mouse was gone and for the moment, so was my pain. God is in control. He gives us what we need when we need it. I needed acceptance, gratitude and a lot of deep breaths. That little mouse was the path that God had me take to get me there. I am grateful.
I have not seen my furry little friend since. I am grateful for that too.
I am grateful for the simplicity God has placed in my life. I am thankful whenever I can look in the mirror and say, “Juliet is a simple person.” There are many times now when I can say that.
I am striving to live a life centered on God. I live my life for Him. I am pulling out all the stops to have everything in my life support this God-centered life.
This new, less distracted life has God at the center of my teaching, workouts, books, music, housekeeping, and service work for CoDA and Quaker Meeting. It has God at the center of my walks in the woods, trips to the store, and attendance at Weight Watchers meetings. All God, everywhere, all the time.
Living my life in this simple way, revolving around God, allows me to more easily get rid of the complexities that clutter my life. For example, since I started working my 13th Principle of Simplicity, I found that I was less likely to overbook my calendar. I stopped saying yes all the time and started saying no. This is great recovery for a complaint codependent. I also began questioning whether I really needed something, instead of just buying it automatically. I chose a simple cell phone instead of an iPhone or Smart Phone. I started throwing more things away instead of saving them on the “What If I Need It” Principle.
As I discussed in “Simplicity” (my added 13th Principle) earlier in the book, my life here at home is pretty simple technologically — at least by today’s standards. I am happy about that. Juliet is simple in her life at home.
I’m learning to be simple in my speech and communication. I try to let my yes be yes and my no be no without miles of explanation. This fits into the Quaker testimony of simplicity very well, as they believe in simplicity of speech. I practice this in all of my communication, but especially in Quaker Meeting, where I am the most successful at it.
I am also practicing simplicity in my personal life by making the decision to be celibate and devote my life to God. This makes my life less complicated, especially since I am an outer-focused codependent. Let’s get the gorilla out of the room. This act of simplicity has brought more serenity to my life than I ever could express.
Juliet is becoming a simple person. I look ahead to a simple, God-centered life.
I will do this with God’s help. I am grateful for his grace and l0ve.
I am a charitable person. I give freely to others. I give to those in need without expecting anything in return. This is one of my positive character traits.
I give to others in many ways. One way is giving through organizations. I give financially to many charities that I care deeply about. I give food to my local food bank once a month. I give my time to my Quaker Meeting through service at many levels. I give my time to CoDA through my home group and higher service levels.
I also give to individuals in many ways. I give through listening, smiling at people in the hallway, holding the door for them, and making eye contact. Some of these people are people I know, but many are people that I don’t know. I give to the clerk behind the counter at the coffee place by making eye contact, smiling, saying hello, and asking them how they are. If a colleague forgets their lunch, I offer them some of mine. If a friend is cold, I offer them my sweater. If a friend needs a lift and I’m available, I give them a ride. I give to the road crew by smiling when I drive by instead of grumping at them. (Yes, despite my previous complaints about traffic, I am often able to do this!) I hope it helps them and I know it makes me feel better.
I have also been known to help out my students and their families, even during my off-hours or during summer. For example, there is a family in Pittsfield that has had one child or another in my orchestras for several years now. During this span of years and even after the children were out of my classroom, I would go out of my way to help the family when they needed it. For example, there were a couple of times that one of the children, we’ll call him Greg (not his real name), needed to have the chin rest on his violin replaced and then adjusted. I met with the mother a couple of times, once at my place of work and once at their home. I gave my time to them, without expecting anything in return. (I actually did receive coffee and cookies, which were wonderful!) The profit I received from this experience came in the form of gratitude, warmth, and friendship. It was well worth it.
These things may seem small, but they’re important. They are all examples of me being of service to others in a small way, giving for the sake of giving. Being charitable is vital to me because it helps me grow spiritually. It is the God in me reaching out to the God in others. I am aware that all of the charity that comes out of me is God’s doing. All good in me comes from God. How cool of God to allow good to come through me to others. I am grateful and humbled by His mercy and grace.
As this book, my first book, and my music attest, I am a very spiritual person. My spirituality is a huge part of my life. God is everything to me.
Being a spiritual person keeps me focused on what is real, right, and true for me. It keeps me from getting caught up in this materialistic world. It keeps me pointed towards God and away from Satan.
Living in a constant state of prayer makes it easier to let God live through me and live my life for me. Then comes holy obedience. This means doing what God wants, not what I want. What He wants is the best thing for me. It is what needs to happen.
In “The Principles,” the section on “Making Contact (Spirituality)” describes in very nice detail my spiritual practice, how it works, and how much it means to me.
I owe my spirituality to God. He is the one who put it there. How grateful I am that He is sovereign over my life and that He has a plan for me. All I have to do is listen, trust, obey, and let go. My relationship with Him has made me happier than I ever thought I could be.
I am so grateful for my spirituality. I can’t imagine living any other way.
Having addressed my persistence quite thoroughly in the “Perseverance” section of “The Principles,” it is clear to see that I am a persistent, diligent, hard-working person.
My workaholism has also been well-defined throughout this book as one of my defects of character. I have defined my workaholism as a defect of character and it is. But diligence, when taken in the proper dosage, can be seen as a positive character trait.
I’ve always been a hard worker. I come from a family of hard workers. We were always a very productive bunch of folks.
I also come from a family of list makers. We were always big on making lists. I still make lists to this day. I make a “to do” list every week. It is usually three pages long and includes everything I have to do for the week from journaling, worshipping, working out, to CoDA meetings, Quaker meetings, and lists of things for my job. I never get everything checked off on the list, but I sure try hard. The end result is that I’m very productive and I feel good about that. I like that about myself. Juliet gets things done. Good for her.
I work hard at learning the violin, viola, cello, and guitar, writing books, writing music, and teaching. I find great fulfillment in all of these activities.
I am a very hard working teacher. I labor over every detail of my lesson plans until they are just right. I try to make the lessons fun, informative, and engaging, while striving to provide a comfortable, friendly learning environment. I try to greet them with a friendly hello and a smile when they come in the door. I try to encourage them to work hard, do their best, enjoy the music they are making and the process of learning. As stories in other parts of this book have revealed, I am not perfect at this. Teaching is a difficult profession. I try very hard and do the best I can.
This hard work in the classroom has paid off for me. I have a cello student that we’ll call Curt (not his real name). Curt has been one of my students for three years. He’s one of the most enthusiastic students I’ve ever had. He is in my music room practicing and learning every chance he gets. He is very appreciative of all of the instruction he has received from me. I have received many kind notes of gratitude and gifts from him and his family. Curt is off to middle school now and I’ll miss him. How grateful I am to have had the privilege of teaching him. This student’s success in music is the result of his passion and hard work, combined with well-delivered instruction, a comfortable learning environment, and lots of encouragement. If the instruction lacked planning and inspiration and the setting was consistently uncomfortable, I doubt that the outcome would have been the same. This diligence has been worth it.
I work hard for my Quaker Meeting and my CoDA Fellowships (in this setting, I am using fellowships to encompass all of the different CoDA groups I am involved with). This work is worth it as it feeds my soul. I am growing spiritually as a result of this work and thus I feel better about myself.
I work hard building and maintaining a close relationship with God. This is worth more to me than words can express. It is everything to me.
My diligence has produced good things in my life. I am very happy about this.
I like the part of me that is a hard worker. I just have to stop tying my self-worth up in what I accomplish. Binding my self-worth to my work only feeds my workaholism.
Taking the self-worth piece out of the equation will defuse the part of me that turns my diligence into workaholism. I have humbly given God this defect of character. He will take it away when He is ready to do that. In the meantime, I keep working my program. I give that to God too. It works if I work it.
